Our beloved friend Doug has passed on

I just heard about Doug's passing from K9 over at Skeptiko. I'm genuinely sad to hear about it -- I haven't visited PQ for some time, but I'll be looking at What Doug had to say about his experiences. Maybe it'll help in some way.

I didn't know Doug personally, and he didn't say all that much on Skeptiko, but he quite often seemed to like my posts -- for whatever reason -- and I'd noticed his recent absence.

We're all a bit sad, Doug, but where you are now, I feel sure you're happy and we need have no concern. Many of us are getting long in the tooth and may join you sooner rather than later. God bless and bye -- for now at any rate.

[Laird]

Let me just say Doug was someone who I learned a lot from – not only because of his deep knowledge about psi and its history (which was significant), but as a person. I admired his intellectual rigor, his love and respect for getting the facts right and his appreciation for detail, his objectivity and interest in the truth, his great nobility of character and civility, and his ability to keep his emotions in check on the forum, quite amazingly so to me. I'm sure all of you have noticed these traits at one time or another.

But more than anything he was an incredibly kind person and an extremely present and caring friend. A great spirit with enormous heart.

Doug was also a founding member and administrator of this forum, hugely helpful, and his role here will be greatly missed also.

This was especially spot-on in a post which as tim rightly put it was eloquent, fitting, and dignified. I simply want to affirm it in my own words whilst adding a few tributes (there is more that could be said too):

As a friend, Doug shared himself freely.

As a team member, Doug expressed his views assertively whilst being open to the views of others, seeking consensus with a cooperative spirit.

As a member of the parapsychological community, Doug had many connections, and whilst he strongly believed in the reality of anomalous phenomena in general, he took a very skeptical approach to specifics.

As a writer, Doug greatly underestimated himself, and proved to be quite a storyteller in his parting gift of a personal experiences thread.

As a human being, Doug was kind, caring, and considerate. Something from the category of the "small yet big things" that demonstrates this well I think is his generosity with "likes". Since being touched by some people's grateful private responses to his "likes", he had been even more encouraged that he was doing the right thing. There are reports of people being saved from suicide by a passing stranger's unexpected warm smile, and I think that something like this sentiment motivated Doug: to him, it cost little to send a "like", but potentially meant so much to its recipient. (This is not to say that he was utterly indiscriminate - he actively withheld "likes" from posts which troubled him). Another telling "small yet big thing" in this respect is that even when he was very ill, he made sure to attend an annual online parapsychology seminar which he had been attending for some years so as to make sure that the seminar's numbers were up - as a mark of respect and affection for its organisers.

I wish I had gotten to know Doug better. He was as Ian wrote a person you could learn a lot from. I will miss him.

As a human being, Doug was kind, caring, and considerate. Something from the category of the "small yet big things" that demonstrates this well I think is his generosity with "likes".

I agree, Laird, he was indeed a generous spirit and he'll be sadly missed !

[Ninshub]

Truly well seen and stated, Laird. Thanks a lot for writing that.

[Ninshub]

I'd also add, to maybe explain something Michael Larkin observed, that Doug obviously did not post to the extent of his abilities or to what would represent what he could potentially share. The biggest factor in there was his chronic fatigue, which was quite overwhelming - he had often "brain fog" and writing long posts could "wipe him out", so that he would  pay for it afterwards.

He was also to some extent a perfectionist about his writing (he admired a lot of members here for their writing skills, Kamarling is one that comes to mind that he mentioned to me but there were many others), which goes with his attention for details and getting specifics right.

And finally he had a distaste for getting involved in argument-type back-and-forth posting, because he did not have the energy for it and also I don't think it meshed with his overall peaceful nature.

[Ninshub]

Let it be known that Doug had planned to say his goodbyes himself on the forum, based on what he told me, after he was finished posting his personal psi experiences (something he now felt ready to do knowing his time left here was short), but obviously he didn’t get to do so. (I know he gave me some to post in case he wasn't able to, and relatively soon I'll be checking through my emails and posting them if indeed he didn't get to.)

I've gone through my PM correspondence with Doug in the last months and the accounts he sent me in case he wouldn't be able to live long enough to post, he was in the end able to post (no 5 Premonition and no 6 Bookcase). He was also able to post a 7th. Unfortunately, therefore, I don't have any others to add.

In any case, I thought I'd share the words he wrote to me at that time (on April 2) that tell of his intentions at that point, that unfortunately he wasn't able to fulfill:

If you don't mind, I'll also send you any new accounts I manage to write up. As I post them (currently at the rate of one every five days), you can simply delete your copies. And if you should suddenly find I'm no longer around, then you can post the remaining ones for me.

I hope to write up five or six accounts from my parents, and my friends Anne and Larry before swinging back to approach the religious angle to my psi abilities. And if there's time at the end, I'd like to say a heartfelt "Goodbye" to everyone, and perhaps speak a little about my end of life issues.

[Ninshub]

Doug had asked me to announce through email his passing to two people he was close to in his personal life in case they weren't informed.

They both wrote back and I've just read their responses. One of them told me that she had a mutual friend who was present. Doug actually passed away at hospice on May 22, not May 28. This friend visited Doug the day prior, Doug was apparently weak and not able to communicate very well that day.

The other person told me there was no service or funeral and that Doug's body was donated to medical science and that he will be cremated and his ashes given to his brother.

Woah.

Godspeed, Doug.

[Ninshub]

One of Doug's friends was asking me about what I knew about whether Doug was in pain or had fear. I tried to reassure her as best I could, especially regarding the latter. And this made me thought I could share a bit more about this now to others here, although I think I said a few things about that in the opening post.

Ever since he found out he had cancer, Doug was completely at peace with this, through a combination of the attitude he already had about his life and his beliefs about what happens after this stage. The few of us who knew what was going on and could communicate with him were amazed by his fortitude. He took it all very gracefully and really at no point did he express any angst or fear. He would express boredom, sometimes, and stress about things like getting somebody to drive him on time to the hospital for a test, or the effect on his fatigue or nerves of dealing with so many hospital visits and people he found a bit thick!

I'll share a few words he wrote to me in an email on March 5. Seems he had a mixed blessing with a sudden change in his usual state:

There's not much more to report, Ian, except perhaps to say that I haven't been sleeping well for the past several days. It's not the bad news that's been keeping me awake. It's more the energy that has returned. I had gotten used to living in the brain fog, sleeping for hours several times a day, or spending my time comfortably dozing or simply staring out into the dark. Now, with greater energy, I can no longer do those things. Hence I"m forced to stay awake for longer periods of time, which is uncomfortable for me. It's no big deal, though, compared to my other health concerns.

And then this after I expressed the best wishes for his happiness and health given the context:

Thanks again, Ian. I'll be cheerful, at least, and will try to be so until the end. And you must try to be also, no matter what happens to me. From time to time, just mentally surround me with heaven's light, and I'll do the same for you. Both here, and after I reach the other side.

That last one sort of expresses how much of an inspiring friend he was (is).

Don't really have any words, but it's a definite blow to our community...but I trust that while we're diminished by his absence the place he has ended up going to is now better for his sudden presence...