Humor

Animals Who Don’t Care About Your Stupid Rules
http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-animals-...narchists/

(There are 12 pages so far at the link.)

The link is well worth following haha

https://www.stuff.co.nz/world/middle-eas...e-the-king

[Pollux]

Mr Verithal Strange

The very strange introduction of Mr Verithal Strange.

- Good day Sir, I'm Strange, Very Strange.
- In what way Sir?
- No, I mean; I am Strange
- Indeed Sir, indeed you are.
- What I mean is that; my name is Strange
- That too??
- You misunderstand me. My family name is Strange.
- Is there an end to this strangeness?
- Listen here; my first name is Very, from Verithal, and my surname is Strange.
- Very what?
- What what?
- Is your first name What What?
- No just Very...
- Very strange?
- Yeah, that's it; Very Strange.
- OK, but what is your very strange first name then?
- Listen, I was born Very Strange.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But I bet you had a loving mother.
- No, I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't born Very Strange. What I meant was that I was baptized Very Strange.
- So you where OK when you were born, but you got a very strange baptism?
- Ooh fuck off...just fuck off!!
- You are strange,..very strange indeed.
- *sigh*

[Pollux]

This a quote/line from a movie, and I think it is kinda fitting. - Many Gen. Z seem to think it too actually...

"- I am a post-millennial. Generation Z.
Born after the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take.
They call us the Global Generation.
We are known for our entitlement and narcissism.
Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy for just showing up.
Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart,or have a sandwich, for all the world to see.
But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world....an indifference to suffering."

[Pollux]

I went to a Blood Donation Center the other day and said to the nurse: "- If you want blood  - you got it!!!".

With a blank stare (like a dead fish) she responded; "- Take a queue ticket, sit down over there, and wait"


It's just soo boring when people lack even the simplest hardrock-cultural-references....or a sense of humour! *sigh*


AC/DC - If You Want Blood (You Got It)

[Pollux]

"Space is so big, you can see it from the Great Wall of China."

[Pollux]

Soon we welcome  2018 - but here is the summary of our civilization at the end of 2017!!!

• Our Phones – Wireless

• Cooking – Fireless

• Cars – Keyless

• Food – Fatless

• Tires –Tubeless

• Youth – Jobless

• Leaders – Shameless

• Relationships – Meaningless

• Attitudes – Careless

• Babies – Fatherless

• Feelings – Heartless

• Children – Mannerless

We are SPEECHLESS,

Government is CLUELESS,

And our Politicians are WORTHLESS!

I'm scared shitless!


.(infact all of the above has been equally true for the last 15-20years)

[Pollux]

Hilarious car-insurance claims - where the claimant try to shift the blame - when writing to the insurance clerk.

• "Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." (Thanks N Bradley)
  

• "I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - Thanks N Shepherd)
  

• "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)
  

• "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
  

• "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
  

• Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
  

• The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
  

• "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
  

• "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
  

• "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
  

• "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
  

• Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."
  

• "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
  

• "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."
  

• "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
  

• "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
  

• "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
  

• "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
  

• "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"
  

• "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
  

• "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
  

• "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
  

• "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
  

• "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
  

• "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
  

• "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
  

• "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
  

• "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
  

• "As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
  

• "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
  

• "My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
  

• "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
  

• "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
  

• "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
  

• "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
  

• "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
  

• "The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
  

• "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
  

• "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."
  

• "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
  

• "The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
  

• "No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
  

• "I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
  

• "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
  

• "I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
  

• "I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."
  

• "The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
  

• "I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."