Training Updates

Training has started feeling much more natural, whivh is a pretty major factor in all this as best as I can tell. It’s weird realizing that I have what is essentially the blueprint of magic, at least a version 1 of it. And everything feeling very normal seems like one of the keys to making it work. All I’m really doing at this point is a modified version of poltergeisting, which itself is just a modified version of astral projection/OBE.

So, in theory, it should follow the same patterns as those skills. Which means that the more normal and natural everything feels, like the whole concept is no big deal, the more likely it becomes that something real triggers. Likely it will happen unconsciously at first, where I just slip into a mental state without realizing it that allows things to flow just well enough for something solid to form with my energy. Then I’ll probably remember that feeling and be able to start replicating it with mixed success, trending towards on demand reliability. Right now I think the main focus should be on continuing to let it normalize and “using it like I already have it” which is an phrase I was told a long time ago when I was just starting with this.

The struggle with normalization is the primary reason why I’vr figured that others would be able to attain success much faster than me if they tried. Other people don’t have the baggage I have with magic, and so they should be able to apply all these things without all the blocks that I’m dealing with. And given that all this is just a mixture of active and passive sensorialization, as in, not just visual, not just touch, all senses, mixed with some mental focus, meditation and energetic stuff that you can learn almost anywhere; I can’t see why other people couldn’t start getting results within a year. Whether they do get results within a year is another story, but I don’t see it being impossible or unreasonable at all. Even within a month seems possible.

Seriously, just go do some meditation, maybe learn some reiki, the Bengston healing method, or maybe even vortex healing. Go learn some stuff about OBE’s from Graham Nicholls, then go learn a bit about PK from Sean Macnamera and/or Cherylee Black, and combine all that together and you should be able to do what I’m trying to do. I admittedly haven’t used any of their stuff, all my stuff is my own for the most part, but I know they have developed stuff that works in its own area. It just needs to be brought together. It would certainly take focused time and effort to achieve, but as far as I can tell it is doable.

I’ve more or less stopped training for the moment, having gotten way to burnt out on life to continue. Mainly all I’m working on is meditation and OBE practice now. I’m hoping the break will help but I have no idea. I’ve pushed myself through the diminishing returns because I generally feel like I have a very limited amount of time to make this work before the world becomes too locked down for that to be possible but I have no idea how long I have. But at this point I can’t deny that I’m sort of okay with the idea of not suceeding, I have the basic blueprint for magic and I know for a fact that what I’m trying to do is possible. So if I ended up dying before making it all work I’d be fine. I’d stil prefer to actually make it work, but if not, whatever.

I haven’t induced a proper OBE in years. I think the last big one I did was May 1 2017. I was already long in the process of shutting down all my practice of OBE’s, projection and such in favor of direct training at that point  which I was clearly not ready for at the time. I don’t think I’ve had an OBE since but I’ve always felt like having one would do me good and might be the key to making this all work. But I’m not really working on it with much seriousness, if it happens it happens. Until then I guess I’ll try relaxing and doing other stuff, for better or worse.

Been a long time since I made an update there. There’s lots to update, some good, some bad. I had to reread my previous post to see what I needed to bounce off of and funnily enough, I’m still in the same position I was then. I’m still burnt out, I’m still not training. However, there was a period in between where I was.

I took the advice of a friend I’d met through a business group and went for a craniosacral treatment because I’m very much at the point where I’ll try anything to move forward, other than drugs. So I did that and they were able to shift a block in my head more in one session than I’d been able to in years. This led directly to several direct PK successes with my egely wheel, the second of which I tried to catch on camera as I’d been running a group at the time over Zoom to get others training, hoping that the group effect might help. No one was there that day and unfortunately, Zoom’s noise cancellation cut out the beeps, the camera was also apparently dirty but since I’m legally blind, I didn’t realize that till later. So that was kinda a big deal as you can imagine. Proper stage 2 as I had defined it back in 2014. Another person in that group did manage to get more consistent and recorded success themselves which was nice.

My nervous system now accepts that PK is a possible result when training, it no longer acts like it’s all pointless. However, life continued to burn me down, I didn’t get further successes, and eventually hit a wall with it all early this year which threw me, briefly, into a deep depression. Since magic is the one and only thing I care about, and I had hit a point where I had to admit the diminishing returns were no longer just diminishing, they were just not there, and stop. I’d also been trying for a few years up to that point to find something, anything that I could do, that I wanted to do, which would make money via that business group because eventually I know my disability pay will get cut off. I was forced to realize that there is no overlap in that venn diagram either. I subsequently found myself going back into fiction writing, to my surprise, because at the very least I enjoy that. Though I have no belief whatsoever that it will go anywhere economically. But it also helps rebuild my ability to visualize which would help with magic if I ever get back to it.

I got kicked out of that business group back in May seemingly because the people who run it just plain didn’t like me personally. It’s a longer story that I won’t go into but sufficed to say, in the process they lost all credibility with the chunk of their community who both knew I’d been kicked and stood up for me and demonstrated that all their claims of ethics and integrity and equality only apply so long as they feel like it. They may end up burning their whole business down in time because of what they did with me and the continuing ripples effects of it, and I can’t say I’m going to feel all that sad for them if that happens.

I’ve also been trying to rebuild a local, real life friend group because I feel like that would help me with a lot of things at this stage, especially since I’m disabled, especially with how crazy the world is let alone where it’s going. Unfortunately, all I’ve found thus far that I can travel to myself are woke communities and I want nothing to do with any of that. There’s cooler people just a little outside that range, but I have no access to them yet. It’s not like I don’t have friends, I have a whole lot of them, but they’re all online and around the world.

So now I just go through the motions, largely accepting that I’ve failed, that its all hopeless. That I was right the first time when I’d decided to let myself wither away after I fried myself in 2010, that after doing that much damage to your energy system, you just don’t recover. In which case all the time and effort spent in the intravening years has been an utter waste of time. I still think that if I had a group of friends, a strong relationship, and was financially independent in a way I could be happy about, my general mood and subtle stress would lift enough to get me the high success rate I had back around 2014-2016 when the relationship I was in at the time was still good-ish.

I go through the motion with writing too. Only willing to put so much work in, because if it’s not fun, it’s not worth doing. My eyes have destroyed any future I’d ever want to live in, so, long term planning is pointless. And other people continue destroying the world with their apathy and excuses. Quite frankly, their cowardice and willful stupidity. Or sometimes their attachment and emotionality. It depends.

I have no real interest in writing up any of my experiences on here like I used to. It’s not going to do anything for me like it did before. However there were a couple that stood out. Indicators that someone or something out there, might be very unhappy with the progress I was making. The first was what I think was an OBE where, in short, like all the rest. I got visited by people who shoved me back in my body. In this case. They’d knocked on the door to where I live, I answered it, crawling on hands and knees because of the vertigo caused by a huge energy surge I’d just experienced. Three people, all wearing what looked like the same make of boots and pants. They said nothing, but one pressed his fingers into my right shoulder, causing me to, I guess, come to. It’s not like waking up when this happens. It’s almost like you’re already awake and somehow your view just shifts or something. It’s like you’re phasing back in to the phase state of normal reality.

The other was a dream that eventually shifted to involve what would probably be described as a demon. Very long and snake like body with grey, leathery skin. Long and very narrow face and mouth filled with long teeth, some needle like, some curved as I recall, approximatly 4 inches long on average. A good amount, maybe all, overlapped on the outside of its mouth when it was closed.

It had a tail maybe a quarter the length of its body. nearly as thick as it’s torso that didn’t taper all that much. I estimated it’s total length, including the tail, to be somewhere in the area of 12-15 feet. Though it demonstrated it could stand on two legs, and it’s hands had opposable thumbs, it clearly preferred being on all fours. It’s arms and legs were nearly the same length as each other. Giving it the strange appearance of being a sort of walking snake-crocodile-fish thing. On all fours it’s shoulder height was around 5 feet high. Maybe a little lower. The torso might’ve been 3 feet in diameter or at least width. but it was hard to tell. I don’t remember any sort of ridges or other equivalent features on its back or head.

It did it’s best to talk, but it’s throat and vocal chords were clearly not meant for that. So the best it could do is these sort of deep, wet, gurgling growls that approximated words. It didn’t say much but it did seem to recognize me. When it showed up, the dream seemed to become especially vivid and start to shift from it’s previous nonsensical content to focus mostly on the creature.

Being me, I chose to try and fight it, even though I was very sure that was a bad idea and winning was impossible. I did try to mentally call out for my friends becauyse I knew I was far too rusty and weak to have any confidence that I could deal with it on my own. It never displayed any use of magic itself whatsoever, and that should’ve made it very easy to deal with if I’d had even a small amount of my own. But all I could manage to do is generate the feeling of wrapping energy around my body. I don’t remember if I could feel any sort of aura from it and if I was specifically trying to protect myself from that. It seemed to have little concern of that and outright let me punch it initially. Which burned my hands and felt like it caused a sort of muscle wasting in my wrists and forearms. I tried to generate more energy to protect from such effects going forward but I don’t think I was successful.

It displayed an interesting stalking/circling behaviour. Sometimes circling one direction then suddenly turning around to go the other way. It reminded me of what I call a wolf’s “patrol trot” if you’ve ever seen one do it. Sometimes they’ll do it in a zoo as well if they’re stressed.

Sometimes it would walk directly towards me as part of this only to suddenly veer to one side and then back again. I realized in hindsight that those veering movements could’ve been meant to control where I moved, since I would instinctually move away from where it was going, only for it to then turn back and face me again or do something else. I didn’t realize that at the time though and I’m very sure it had me going exactly where it wanted me as a result.

It showed little desire to actually kill me, other than a few charges that I was able to get out of the way of. It seemed good at sprinting but not so good at turning when it did. I’m completely sure that if it had wanted to it could’ve easily ripped me apart. My friends never showed up, and eventually the dream shifted with no resolution.

::EDIT:: I doubt that if it killed me in the dream that I'd actually die. Even if it turned out it was a projection and the Krueger Effect would've applied, I don't think I was deep enough for it to have been life threatening. Who knows though? I've been wrong before.
::EDIT2:: I do remember my hands and forearms feeling weird when I woke up though, definitely not burned or wasting away. It wasn't enough for me to conclude it was the Krueger Effect though, at least nothing beyond a mild case if anything.

I would’ve dismssed it as just an overly vivid dream even if it felt like it might be more than that. If I hadn’t spontaneously been contacted by a friend over instant messaging a week and a bit later to update me on a bunch of things they were interested in. Ending with asking me if I’d been fighting lately, because they’d been contacted a week or so ago, out of the blue, by one of my discarnate friends for a brief talk where they basically said they had a mission to do. It’s very possible, though far from certain, that the time said friend got contacted by a discarnate, and the time I called out for my friends to help me witht the demon thing, overlap. If nothing else, for now I do take that encounter as a sort of warning shot. That all the crazy stuff that used to happen back in the day could all start up all over again if I continue making progress with magic. I should probably be more bothered by it than I am right now. I imagine things would get much more physical this time, given I’m attempting to get magic working physically. I don’t think I’d be able to handle that.

Well, I’m still going through the motions anyways. I’m still making some degree of progress with writing. I’m just not doing it with any idea that it will ever succeed, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. I don’t think I’m very good at quitting, as much as I’ve tried.

But hey, Stage 2. Proper, official Stage 2. Not just the “Stage 2 by technicality” that I had before that. It only took me a decade. I’m hoping Stage 3, which is where everything might start to go exponential, where the real training starts, doesn’t take me another. As bad as all this is, hitting Stage 2 make it all more than worth it. Nearly any amount of bad things could happen to me, but rebuilding magic, not just my own, but as a teachable, verifiable, practical skill, would be worth it all. Its that important. Plus I’d argue that the burn out is just barely starting to lift as well. Which is why I finally felt like posting this.

Anyways, that’s all for now, we’ll see if I keep making progress or finally crash and burn for good.