Training Updates

For awhile now I've been posting these sort of updates in the forum of a business group I'm a part of where I've been teaching people about parapsycholgy and everything it studies, quite successfully. Its surprising how much support I get for everything I do and talk about in there. And though some people quite like these updates, I figure its far more appropriate to post them here, so that's what I'll start doing. The last update mentioned in this one would refer to one I did probably a month ago in there,
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I’ve had a mixture of success and failure since my last update. On one hand I’ve had some good stuff happen with my training but on the other I’m incredibly burned out and need to take a break from it all. You’d be surprised how hard this can be on your body. I’ve gotten to the point where, internally, some part of me is fighting the conditioning that holds me back which is helping me train more. Though I suspect that conflict has contributed to my fatigue. I was training semi regularly, pulling out my egely wheel every other day or so for a few minutes at a time until the anxiety or other feelings prompted me to stop. I was also doing a lot of condensation practice. It doesn’t matter that nothing has come of it yet, I just need to get myself back to the point where I can train reliably without my nervous system freaking out about it, and that does seem to be happening.

There’s been other happenings too, strange poltergeist-like sensations that show up during meditation almost exclusively on the right side of my body. In that they feel like a sort of hardened static field, that’s the easiest way I can describe it. Sometimes if a ghost or something touches me, it has this specific feeling. You can put your hand or other part of your body right through it, yet simultaneously it has some resistance qne you can even feel small details of the body. It tingles and sort of feels like a dry mucus of sorts, incredibly thin, like a sort of oil but thinner than any cooking oil or anything else I could compare it to. Its an incredibly distinct and obvious feeling. Sometimes if its a drop of liquid, it will even respond to gravity and you can alter its path by twisting and such, but if you go to touch it directly, nothing’s there, yet you can still feel it.

This doesn’t feel like its connected to a ghost though, it seems almost like its something that’s been there for quite awhile and I’m just phasing in to the point of being able to feel it during some meditations or something. I don’t really know what it is but I haven’t had it happen like this in over a decade now, which is a weird thought. I can only assume its a good thing, or at least I will until something else starts happening with it. Its strange to me that its mostly the right side of my body though, my face in particular, covering my right eye. I try to feel if there’s some sort of texture or anything else I can use to identify it, but I can’t yet, not clearly. All I can say for now is it doesn’t seem like its a person touching me or anything, normally when that happens you can feel the subtle muscle movements as if it were a real person whereas this feels static.

I used to have something similar happen way back then too, something that would cover my right eye, but back then there was obviously a person involved somehow, and the shape was different, more like a patch attached to a headband that covered the eye. They’d put it on, leave it there for a bit, then pick it up and adjust it to cover the left eye for awhile. Though it seemed like the main focus was always my right eye for some reason. I always wondered if it was because my right eye is worse than my left as far as the blindness goes. Or perhaps that somehow, whatever this was was causing it to degrade faster. But who knows?

This also would only happen if I was laying down, and would get interrupted if I moved, it very much behaved and felt like there was really someone there adjusting this headband patch thing, but they’d only do it when I’d stop moving for a bit. Being me, I tested this a whole bunch, moving and not moving and gauging responses. It never seemed malicious back then so I let it happen but I didn’t trust that any of the psychic stuff that would come through at that time was legit, I was always concerned it was imaginary. That hasn’t happened with this, its a lot more like I have something attached to that part of my face and its covering my eye as a result. It hasn’t moved or been touched yet. It’s also there all the time. As of today, I can even be walking around and feel it so long as I have my energy flowing in a meditative state.

I also don’t feel anyone around, certainly not that close to me, when this happens. But I can’t completely trust my ability to sense I suppose and I don’t fully trust that this is genuinely the same type of thing, if the feeling gets stronger and more solid that might give me more reason to think that. Regardless I’m monitoring it and am taking it as a good sign. Back in the day these sensations were extremely common, especially at night, and seemed to be related to a lot of the poltergeist activity and general paranormal stuff that was happening to me. Only time will tell if it turns into something more.

If I can just get over this next milestone I know everything will flow smoothly again. At least that’s what I’m hoping, so its unfortunate that I keep getting hit with so much burnout just before it seems like I might make some sort of breakthrough. I’m both inspired and annoyed by the knowledge that there’s others out there that have achieved even small amounts of psychokinesis. I tend to feel like I of all people should’ve already accomplished it. I will need to take it easy for awhile and try not to do any training while I recover from this, good thing I have other stuff I can do to fill the void in the meantime. I know I’ll come back stronger just like I always do, and hopefully I’ll be able to break through my barriers for good on the next round. I don’t like to be optimistic or confident about it because I don’t really know, but it seems a whole lot more possible than it has before.

I already have another update, so remember when I said that I wasn't sure if the poltergeist sensations were related to an actual person or not? Well they seemed to be reading over my shoulder as I wrote this and when I went to bed they decided to ramp things up to presumably make it super obvious that, yes, there was someone there. In short, the mask feeling was gone for the first time and instead I felt two fingertips tap and press onto the bone just to the right of my right eye, and then presumably their thumb pressed into my eye a bit and rubbed around, pretty obvious sensations, and it hurt a bit. I brushed them away and they came back and did it again. Then I verbally told them to stop touching my fucking eye. Though I did compliment them for their creativity and said I'm fine with them being around since they don't seem malicious. They didn't touch my eye again after that, though there were a few other things that happened, including the feeling of soft breathing and some stuff on my left side, they did still touch the right side of my face. It also made my energy react to their presence somewhat strongly. I nearly got up right after this all happened to post about it here but I was tired and its not like they were a problem or harmful so I just went back to bed, its pretty nice that they're around actually. My right eye still hurts a bit though, but that's okay.

First I must say that I admire Mediochre for persisting with research that would certainly creep me out, I don't know about other people!

Since you told them to stop messing with your eye, and they obeyed, I wonder if you could ask them other things. For example, have you asked them to rotate your egely wheel? Your relationship with them might be rather like people find in lucid dreams - where demanding information gets you something.

Above all, be very careful!

David

First I must say that I admire Mediochre for persisting with research that would certainly creep me out, I don't know about other people!

Since you told them to stop messing with your eye, and they obeyed, I wonder if you could ask them other things. For example, have you asked them to rotate your egely wheel? Your relationship with them might be rather like people find in lucid dreams - where demanding information gets you something.

Above all, be very careful!

David

I'm pretty confident I know exactly who they are, I've referenced them on the site before and use the psuedonym Yellow for them. and I'm glad they're still sticking around if so. I haven't written it up but assuming they're the same person they full on showed up as an apparition last year one night because they were trying to cheer me up, prompted me to get out of bed to turn my computer on to write a channelled message from them that I reflexively(?) deleted the moment it was done and remember pretty much nothing of at this point, appeared as an apparition during this seemingly as a certificate of authenticity of the message, then prompted me to write "Always believe in yourself" as my label for my morning alarm. Tey did a few other things too, both before and after that, but that was the biggest one.

I've held off from making updates for a bit because I like to let things build up more so its more of an update. In short, been working on a meditation for over a year now that I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned on here that I call “blank body”. Basic idea is to detach entriely from even basic sense perception. Started it because of a similar and semi spontaneous mental state I achieved briefly a couple years ago now that was the ONLY thing that has ever started deconditioning my subconscious issues around magic. But it got overwhelmed by the amount of conditioning and couldn’t be maintained. So I’ve worked on carefully recreating that in a safe way since then. Safe because it showed a lot of possibility of having some very bad outcomes if it went too fast. In any case, a few weeks ago I was able to push it a little bit further and finally hit gold with it, deconditioning a large chunk of conditioning. This continued into the night and I had, possibly an OBE but maybe just an incredibly deep dream that involved a huge energy release and also, most interestingly, being shoved back in my body by three people who showed up in it. Following the pattern that used to happen when I used to have a whole lot more spontaneous OBE’s and phase shift experiences. That was shocking since its been something like a decade since the last one of those happened. And sure, I can’t 100% know that is was what it seemed to be. But there has always been a very specific pattern to how all those happened, and this followed it, so yeah.

The results of that release is that my subconscious blocks gained some wiggle room and some ability to have other things inserted into them. I also gained an abnormal amount of confidence and even certainty that I’ll succeed at magic, whether I will or not is yet to be seen, but the feeling remains despite the rationality. This is because my subconscious now acknowledges that there’s overwhelming evidence for PK, both what I’ve generated and that of others. Which means I should be able to train and not have any chance that I’ll build up a subconscious association that “every time I try, nothing happens” which then works against me the more I train. Now my subconscious treats it like its more like just a matter of time and it doesn’t matter how long I don’t get results since it will eventually happen. This now runs in parallel with the original harmful conditioning, and thus provides the opportunity to overwrite the original entirely with training.

I’ve let this all incubate for a good week and a bit and as of Monday I’ve started training again. I may have even gotten some small movements already, it seems rather consistent, but nothing as large as a full turn yet. My main focus is just on doing it and running the success pattern against the failure pattern in my subconscious to overwrite it. That generated a bunch of very negative emotion on Monday but that seems to have worked itself out already. Now its just a matter of getting myself on a schedule of sorts and just doing it over and over. I’m surprised that the overwhelming confidence and certainty feeling has maintained itself this long and I don’t think its going to let up. But I’m going to try keeping this up for a good month and see how it feels then. Obviously if I start getting controlled movements anytime during that it will cement fully. I think I’m going to run another PK challenge for myself to facilitate this but not sure yet since I don’t want this to backfire again. Either way, there’s been progress.

[Ninshub]

Mediochre, I hope it's OK sharing this here and I really don't want to disrupt your thread with something that happened to me that seems so minuscule by comparison with what you experience and work towards (and are able to achieve in this "reality"). But your talk of PK and dreams and having confidence reminded me that about 6 weeks or so ago I had a dream I had PK. I've never dreamed anything like that. I have semi-regular dreams that I remember I can fly (with effort), but here I just could make things move and come to me. And it felt like I had complete confidence in it and, like, "why should I have I doubted this and that it could be so easy?"

Anyway, just wanted to share that. It felt special just as a dream and I wanted to share it here but then forgot about it.

Mediochre, I hope it's OK sharing this here and I really don't want to disrupt your thread with something that happened to me that seems so minuscule by comparison with what you experience and work towards (and are able to achieve in this "reality"). But your talk of PK and dreams and having confidence reminded me that about 6 weeks or so ago I had a dream I had PK. I've never dreamed anything like that. I have semi-regular dreams that I remember I can fly (with effort), but here I just could make things move and come to me. And it felt like I had complete confidence in it and, like, "why should I have I doubted this and that it could be so easy?"

Anyway, just wanted to share that. It felt special just as a dream and I wanted to share it here but then forgot about it.

Yeah its fine, the whole dream thing has been noted as something that can actually help someone learn PK in waking life. For example Sean Macnamera's story about his wife's PK:

[Ninshub]

That's cool to hear.

So the confidence thing is still there, though it's become more of a background thing. As far as my nervous system is concerned its just a fact that so long as I keep going I'll succeed. However this hasn't resulted in a whole lot of movement. I think there's been some, very small movements, but that was mainly at the beginning when the feeling was stronger. At the same time I’m not exactly training everyday, it didn’t result in an increase in that either. A huge part of that is still lack of consistent reliable movement in my egely wheel. You could argue that the confidence thing didn’t stick around at all because of that I suppose.
I’ve had a couple very minor possibly paranormal stuff happen, so minor that I doubt its actually paranormal but I can’t completely say that either. Just another instance of seemingly being shoved back in my body and also possibly encountering something minorly hostile.I woke up after that second one with a new ability in my nervous system to convert feelings of adversity to peace in a very direct visceral way. And I have more drive to challenge myself in ways I wasn’t.
I’ve started to strongly notice that, probably, a huge factor in my slowed and now stalled progress really does boil down to my blindness. There’s many practices and things I’d love to do that I simply can’t because I lack the mobility to get myself to areas to practice or do the set up or even just do the things and get feedback at all. So great, that’s yet more stuff my eyes have stolen from me. However I continue. Trying to set up a local parapsychology group in my area partly to make friends so that I can maybe get an emotional boost or something from them to help push me over the edge to success. The diminishing returns are too overwhelming at this point.
I find I do very, very little in my day to day life simply because there’s not even potential for joy or fun so why even bother? I actually can’t remember the last time I ever enjoyed anything. And that’s been dragging my progress down for a long time, hence my choice to now attempt to have some real life friends. Admittedly I see that as a fail state as it means I’m dependent on others. And naturally I already have a visceral hatred for dependency. Well I ay hatred but its not really.

The irony is that because I did the whole finders course thing a few years ago and continued with it and definitely achieved the whole fundamental wellbeing thing it that mixes with this for this very strong ‘okay’ feeling but also the sentiment that I don’t really care if I live or die in any given moment. I would argue my main stopping point isn’t depression, its trying to logically calculate whether continuing with all this is even worth my time and for how long given I know that life and death don’t matter and the worst case scenario of dying is just that I have to come back here in a different body. The problem of course is that I don’t know if I’ll remember any of this in the detail I currently do, I don’t know if I’ll just end up in an equivalently defective body, I don’t know how much worse the world will be by then. I mean CBDC’s are bad enough, but there’s whitepapers out there about wanting to make sure infant brains conform to a “standard” brain model for proper education and whtnot. I’m sure its totally for entirely benevolent non totalitarian reasons, surely. So, I probably still have a better shot getting magic in this body than I do in another quite possibly dystopian one. Plus it would feel so much better winning in this body than trying to restart.

I ended up leaving the finders community a few days ago because of a disagreement with one person in a subgroup about magic. Really, I’d been planning to leave for a long time, I was so tired of the spiritual bent that seemingly most of the community had. I never was in that community because of Jeffery Martins fundamental wellbeing research, I was there to use fundamental wellbeing as a performance enhancer for magic. Because I have better things to do than sit around feeling good. Sure, you feel good, to the point of not wanting to move for hours depending how far you take it. But as far as I’m concerned if that’s really what you want in life, if you have such a strong aversion to “suffering”, then you don’t actually want to be alive, and there’s solutions for that already. So when I got told my messages were both too many and too “egoically self referential”, I.E, I typed in a way that made them believe that I believed that I still existed.... because that’s bad apparently... I was like “You know what? You’re right, I‘ll just leave. I’ve gotten what I can out of groups like this anyways.” which was true, and then I left all finder groups. I feel much better for it already.

It did highlight that much more the need to create my own community if I’m going to have any chance at finding a group of people I’d actually wan to hang around on a regular basis. I mean, how hard is it to find non spiritual, non religious, scientifically minded people, who also are interested in parapsychology, who are also interested in putting in the hours training psychokinesis, are okay failing and learning their way forward over and over, with a goal of creating full on anime scale abilities one day? I mean, come on, you’d think there’d be millions of people like that. If for some reason you cannot tell, that was sarcasm. I know that the types of people I’m looking for are basically unicorns. But that’s who I want. I’m really just looking for people who are just like my discarnate friends since they’re not available. Which basically means I’m looking for variations of David Goggins who are interested in magic. I’m not even back to that version of myself yet and at this rate its definitely going to take some time.

All in all progress continues to be made in some areas and not others, which I’d say is still pretty good given the circumstances.

[Ninshub]

What is the finders community?

Yeah, finding parapsychological friends (as opposed to spiritual) must be pretty hard outside of the internet!