Too crazy to be useful

So I'm kinda getting to the point where I'm not sure why I'm posting anything anymore. Or rather why I should share any of my personal experiences or training or anything. I don't see how it contributes to the forum and it's increasingly feeling like I'm wasting everyone's time. I really, really hate that I had to have such extreme paranormal bullshit that I can't talk about it but that's how it is. I'm considering saving most of the big stuff I've written and then just deleting everything I've posted here and on Skeptiko.

And also, despite my efforts and reading her stuff from the forum all the time, Dreamsoap really shows no intention of being remotely active here. Partly because she has many other, more normal places she's active and it's just a time management thing and also it seems because she doesn't really want to talk about any of this stuff either. I don't blame her for it, it's really, really crazy.

Under any other circumstances I wouldn't've talked about any of it at all, there wouldn't've been a need or a benefit. One of the reasons I joined Skeptiko in 2016 was to try, sort of, venting about it because finally there was a community that was actually talking about this stuff and I knew that if I couldn't acknowledge what's happened the emotional blocks would prevent me from getting anywhere with magic. Which is the same now, the only real reason I can find to post my psychotic level experiences is because if I can't admit them to myself then I can't get magic, it's just part of my training at this point.

I would be willing to bet that if someone had my knowledge and experience practicing magic in this life but lacked my emotional issues, they'd already have it. My issues are specifically about the magic and everything it's connected to, the past lives, etc,and as I slowly break through other emotional blocks it becomes increasingly obvious that that's the only real reason it's not working at this point. 

But that helps no one. So honestly if you guys are like "Yeah we wanna focus on less crazy stuff, your stuff kinda makes our forum look bad." I'll save and remove all of it. Because I just can't see any legitimate benefit to the people let alone the forum as a whole of keeping it up here. Please just be brutally honest, I'm not interested in having someone sugar coat it since it's just lying and that helps no one.

I don’t see why you should delete anything. 
You never know, something you’ve written might save somebody’s life, which is infinitely more important that peeing off some sensitive soul.

[Ninshub]

Even though I’m at a loss of time to follow a lot of threads, I always appreciate what you post Mediochre, and the fact that you do.

This forum could do with more people having “crazy paranormal experiences “ and being willing to post about them. If they feel it’s not detrimental to themselves.

I sure would miss your presence here if you chose to leave. I fail to see how it can be a negative for anyone.

I hope you’ll reconsider.

I don’t see why you should delete anything. 
You never know, something you’ve written might save somebody’s life, which is infinitely more important that peeing off some sensitive soul.

At first I was going to contest this because how could this save anyone's life? Then I also talked to Dreamsoap about it and she agreed with you and I realized "well, most of what I share ultimately has to do with self defense so... I guess so..."

She said it was that plus it could just be emotional stuff that helps someone. Also adding in that she doesn't feel like sharing because she feels like there's no one to really talk to about it. And I agreed.

We really prefer "live by the sword, die by the  sword" sorts of lives and, well... most other people don't. I mean, I'm 31 right now, it's not uncommon for me to already be dead by this age in a one shot incarnation.  But being fighters wasn't an option for either of us for various reasons in this life. Although, you could argue it happened for me anyways since pretty much all my experiences are about that. But I'm used to it being directly in the physical world, not indirectly through projection and other things, so it's hard to say that it counts.

Even though I’m at a loss of time to follow a lot of threads, I always appreciate what you post Mediochre, and the fact that you do.

This forum could do with more people having “crazy paranormal experiences “ and being willing to post about them. If they feel it’s not detrimental to themselves.

I sure would miss your presence here if you chose to leave. I fail to see how it can be a negative for anyone.

I hope you’ll reconsider.

I wasn't going to leave I was just going to stop talking about all the crazy stuff and delete what I'd already posted. Still, I do take a lot of pride in what I've gone through and it would be nice to share it. That is one good thing about being a fighter, you can get a lot of good stories out of it. "Can" being the operative word.

But I still feel pretty ansy about sharing them. I've posted then deleted a couple, and I've started but never finished others. I think, emotionally, I almost have to in order to move on though.

It's always a good read Mediochre. If you must stop posting for whatever reason, that is your call. I see it as useful, and maybe you could inform someone else, perhaps a lurker. Either way, here's hoping that whatever you decide helps with your magic path.

Mediochre - two realities - 

1. A man kills a caterpillar
2. The same man lets the caterpillar go

Many years on:-

1. Another man wakes up in a bad mood, drives recklessly to work and has an accident in which he dies.  His only child grows up fatherless
2. Same man wakes up in a bad mood but while eating breakfast, a butterfly flies in through the window.  He is enchanted and watches the butterfly for a while.  Now he is in a better mood and drives carefully to work and arrives safely.  The above child grows up with a father and, later, a brother and a sister.

One can only imagine the kind of changes that would continue to be made in the world simply because the first man either killed the caterpillar or let the caterpillar go.  I am personally not too interested in "Magic" but I would encourage you to continue posting anything positive you find.  You don't know how much you could change the world and without positive contributions, all the negative energy in life will win.  Stay with us! 

Mediochre, while you may not get much discussion when you post about your experiences and training, it doesn't mean that it isn't helping others. Someone else may be going through some similar experiences, but may not be as articulate or bold as you are able to be, and so they are unable to speak up.

Also, for someone to find out that they are not alone in what they experience, is a powerful thing. 

You're not wasting anyone's time - nobody has to read stuff they aren't interested in.

Linda

Don't worry I'm not going anywhere. I'm pretty surprised at the amount and types of support. So, clearly there's no reason to delete anything or stop posting. Sorry this isn't a personalised reply to each person's points, I'm a little too busy for that right now