Sarcastic British Ghost

Occurred night of Monday April 19, 2021

Before I go to bed, sometime around 11pm I hear a cupboard door slam outside my room, probably in the bathroom, and that set the tone for the night. I haven’t had any real poltergeist activity for quite a long time now and I wasn’t really in the mood to deal with it. Other stuff sounded like it as moving outside occassionally but I just went to bed and hoped nothing much would happen.

Well, fast forward to me being woken up out of a dream to hear some guy saying “Ah yes, [one/the one] who gains their power through [REDACTED], well let me just kick... that.. off...” I could not quite hear exactly what he said 100% but he did seem to try to make it rhyme to make it mocking on purpose. His tone was very sarcastic, very british, and somewhat sinister at the end. It also had a sort of warble and/or echoiness to it and felt as though it was at least half psychic. He was commenting on the dream he just woke me out of.

He sounded like he was standing behind me, which would’ve been the right side of my bed at the head of the bed as I was laying on my left side, the left side and head of the bed are pushed against the wall.

I ramped myself up emotionally a bit and got my energy running since this felt like it could be a bit dangerous. And I said “Hey, asshole, that was a metaphorical representation of [REDACTED]” to correct him on what he seemed to think about what the dream was about if nothing else.

While I was talking he said “Hmmm? What?” and maybe a couple other things though I was talking over him, by his tone he seemed surprised at either what I was saying or that I was talking back to him at all or something to that effect. I started sitting up sideways intending to turn around so I could attack him. I’d vowed that the next time a poltergeist showed up I’d try fighting it physically, not through astral projection, as to use my magic more traditionally and maybe click myself over to getting it back fully through instinct.

After I sat up it felt as though the blankets grabbed me, especially around my arms, and were trying to prevent me from moving any further. I did my best to ramp my energy as high as I could, trying to disrupt what I thought was his energy acting on the blankets to make them do that. Though with minimal effect as I tried to twist towards him. During this I know he and I continued talking, I’d love to tell you specifically what we said but I don’t remember as I was kinda more focused on other things at the time. A lot of my stuff was single words or phrases to keep my emotions and energy as high as possible to try overwhelming the restraints. He, I think, was saying he’s actually trying to help me though I didn’t really buy that and was trying to shove energy directly at him, or where I could feel he was in the room. At this point I was mostly talking mentally at him and my “voice” was changing in not so nice ways as I pushed harder which was a little disconcerting and I tried ramping down on that. It didn’t feel any different, it was just how it sounded. But I still didn’t like it.

I was able to push through, twist slowly, and flop myself over onto my right side after a few more seconds of struggle. Just doing that drained me pretty bad and I couldn’t help but feel pretty bad about it, it showed just how dangerously rusty I was.

The guy laughed and said something to the effect of “I like you, you’ve got spunk.” though I don’t remember exactly. I told him “I’m sorry” because of how weak I was. I think I managed to roll over back onto my left side and a very strong wind picked up in my room, directed down at me. It was strong enough that I was expecting to hear things being moved around from it. It was like a focused beam that was in the area of 3 feet in diameter or so. Constantly buffeting me through the blankets. I started to think that probably this was actually raw energy and thats why things weren't blowing around from it. Eventually this stopped and my energy felt, I don’t know, unlocked somehow. It started doing weird things all over my body, starting with my right side where the “wind” had been hitting me and spreading everywhere else. When it got to my chest it softened the energy around my heart, or maybe heart chakra. I’m not really sure how to describe it.

I could still feel him in the general area and told him, mentally, that I’d let him do this stuff, but if I ever even suspect that he’s hostile towards me or my family, there would be consequences that I won't repeat here. Which, to be fair, might be easier said than done in my state if it comes to that, which I highly doubt it will, but still. The moment I said that, some of the crawling energy just stopped and then picked up again after a good ten seconds or so. As I’d run my energy a little bit afterwards it reacted much stronger. Or at least it felt that way, it was almost more like I was more sensitive to it moving, like being more sensitive to pain from an injury, but I don’t know.

I don’t fully know what he did, but so far it helps, something about my energy feels smoother for the moment, kinda like its been melted. Whether it will persist, progress or change is yet to be seen. My right side still feels sunburned from it, especially up on my neck and shoulder. So I’m spending the day recovering from that and we’ll see if this was a one time occurrence or if he’ll make another appearance. I doubt he will but who knows?

I’m not completely sure this all happened physically or if at least some of it was some form of OBE, but the effects on my body are sure there so I’m leaning more towards the idea that it was just as physical as it seemed. And in hindsight I wonder if there were actually two people and that one of them was trying to grab my arms through the blanket to hold me in place and I was just unable to distinguish their energy. Or that I was mistaken about where he was and/or that he did it himself rather than remotely. It didn’t seem that way though. But I don’t have the precision I once had with sensing so who knows. With so much happening there could’ve been other things I missed or things I’m misrembering.

So, I mean, that’s one way to do a transmission I guess? If you could call it that, and so far it does seem to be genuinely helping. But hey here’s an idea, maybe if you don’t want people to assume you’re hostile and try to attack you you shouldn’t, you know, wake them up in the middle of the night ominously commenting on their dreams like a dick? Just a suggestion.

[Laird]

But hey here’s an idea, maybe if you don’t want people to assume you’re hostile and try to attack you you shouldn’t, you know, wake them up in the middle of the night ominously commenting on their dreams like a dick? Just a suggestion.

A little reverse sarcasm, huh? I like it.

Here's hoping the effects stay with you and build you up.

Y'know, is it just me or does the sarcastic ghost sound less like an actual English person and more like the archetypal English (or even European) villain of American movie fame? That is, intelligent, educated, upper class, sarcastic, and emotionally cold. In other words, he has a fictional quality to him.

Please, understand, I am in no way trying to throw doubt on the above experience. My observation merely ties in with something I've noticed: Paranormal phenomena often seem to contain a synthetic or artificial quality. If so, this leads me to wonder if there might not be something to be gained by applying forms of literary and aesthetic analysis to the paranormal. George P. Hansen has already done so with his book, The Trickster and the Paranormal, and with great success. But he ploughed a narrow path, utilising post structuralism.... So, my question is, what insights could be gained by applying other forms of artistic analysis?

Does anyone see what I'm getting at?

Y'know, is it just me or does the sarcastic ghost sound less like an actual English person and more like the archetypal English (or even European) villain of American movie fame? That is, intelligent, educated, upper class, sarcastic, and emotionally cold. In other words, he has a fictional quality to him.

Please, understand, I am in no way trying to throw doubt on the above experience. My observation merely ties in with something I've noticed: Paranormal phenomena often seem to contain a synthetic or artificial quality. If so, this leads me to wonder if there might not be something to be gained by applying forms of literary and aesthetic analysis to the paranormal. George P. Hansen has already done so with his book, The Trickster and the Paranormal, and with great success. But he ploughed a narrow path, utilising post structuralism.... So, my question is, what insights could be gained by applying other forms of artistic analysis?

Does anyone see what I'm getting at?

Although technically possible I don't tend to buy the idea that things like that are archetypes that I'm somehow causing. If I was really capable of such complex and powerful unconsciously caused macro-pk.... then where are all the other examples of it? You'd think it'd popup under similar emotional circumstances and I'd be able to find a pattern for it, yet that doesn't appear to happen. These things have happened under all sorts of circumstances and emotional states. Whereas there has been a predictable pattern to, for example, my previous astral projection experiments where I'd project to the physical world, becoming a poltergeist, and attempt to affect things physically. The strongest effects in those experiments did fall into two pretty well defined emotional/cognitive buckets.


That's one reason I tend to dismiss that idea. But there's still some possibility due to what I was doing at the time, playing around with the concept of what's known as spiritual transmission, trying to essentially reiki the concept of myself for the purpose of trying to get back to the best version of myself. Something that guy and whatever he did sort of maybe helped with a bit, though generally I'd say nothing much came of this other than a week or so of fatigue that I've since recovered from. Archetypes don't sound as plausible but its something I can't completely dismiss if I'm going to remain rational about it.

I have no idea why he had a British accent and I don't think that had any significance. But I realized in hindsight that this isn't in fact the first entity that I've encountered that's had an accent, there's been, several, Some of which did not speak english, or did not speak it well. I can't identify all of them but in total I've run across what I think was russian or ukranian, french, or at least something that sounded french but may have been an entirely different language. Something possibly middle eastern or arabic or something from a lady calling herself "Crimea Avmun" which might as well be a psuedonym as I asked her to repeat herself multiple times because her accent made it hard to understand and that's the best I could get. And Hebrew, or what I assume was Hebrew but can't confirm.