Jokes, Humour & General Smartassness

On the occasion of his sixtieth birthday, the Secretary of the physics department at the university he was employed by, sent my father in law an email wishing him a happy fiftieth birthday. His response follows.
Margaret my beauty,
You are at your most lovable when you tell stories, even if they are not true. Maybe especially if they are not true. The best stories rarely are true, although in any reasonable world they should be, always.
In days of yore, you would have been the Storyteller to the tribe, a position of great power. Your furs would have been of the finest quality, you would have had a personal guard of twenty warriors. You would have driven a BMW and would have had a jaccuzi in your bedroom.
Like me you only missed by about ten thousand years, an insignificant amount of time in the grand scheme of things. God was almost good to us. As you told stories, I would have invented the cell phone to put all the tribes in touch.
One day we would have surveyed each other from our respective mountain tops. That night of course, we would have hit an iceberg.
I hasten to add that while you are most loveable when you ate telling stories, you are also generally lovable when running the department. Please notify me of anyone that thinks to the contrary. I will happily arrange to have them beheaded in the atrium.
Thanks for remembering. R.T Robiscoe.

This big, football player-type is listening to a psychic medium, walks over, smashes his face with a long, right hook and yells at the fallen medium.

"Didn't see that coming, did ya!"

[Pollux]

"Didn't see that coming, did ya!"

Kinda reminds me of this one...


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[Pollux]

An ordinary Tuesday afternoon, in the parking lot outside Walmart...

I went thru the contacts on my smart phone and deleted all the Germanic sounding names. So now I have a Hans free phone.

[Pollux]

First it was The Silly Walks...





...then there was this;

What do you call some one who speaks two languages?
Bilingual.
Someone who speaks one language?
An american.

[Ninshub]