I've been finding myself surprised at just how much I've pulled away from rationality in favor of emotion. I find it hard to see an argument against doing so as I just don't see rationality having any sort of value anymore. I've noticed my ability to effectively talk in an evidence based debate has nosedived because, honestly, I just don't care about evidence anymore. Not for certain things anyways. And I have started wondering if there is any point at all in ever trying to care about what's true when you're just gonna die anyways.
I think it's my sheer hatred of reality that's really fostered this change. Something that I think was at odds with my desire to be correct rather than just believing what made me feel better. Reality is a hellscape as far as I'm concerned. I can't even believe that I ever cared about knowing what was "real" and what wasn't. Now I only care about what I want to be real. Which isn't the same as believing in it. I'm fully capable of recognizing that I can't fly or do any of the magic that I want right now. But I no longer look at that as a product of reality but rather a failing on my part. Or at least an indication that I just haven't figured things out yet.
Traditional rationalism, or at least what passes as it these days, holds that I should have given up on my quest for magic years ago because its simply impossible in the first place. But there's no way I could ever do that because I won't accept a reality without magic. I will, in effect, never believe that it's not possible. Which sometimes makes me wonder how I'm any different than a religious fundamentalist. Which then makes me wonder whether I should even care?
The schism with rationalism for me is that it's a fundamentally submissive way of thinking. You are only allowed to believe what's "real" regardless of your feelings about it. With phrases like "Our beliefs do not shape reality but reality should shape our beliefs." My issue with that is that its nothing but a form of "might makes right". Reality should be listened to because it's stronger than you are. It has the ability to force its arbitrary rules on you and you're too weak to resist.
I don't think I've ever really been an academically smart person. Some people would probably disagree with that, even today, but really I don't think the way my mind works would ever be conducive to academia. Through my transformation, which is necessary for my magic training, I've remembered that my mind is far more geared towards instant results rather than statistics.
Personally I don't think science has made the world any better. sure people live longer and all that but who cares since you're just dead anyways. It's not like "curing death" or uploading your mind into a robot or anything is ever going to change that either. Nor would reincarnation or anything similar. It just makes all finite amounts of time pointless. Or at least not things worth caring too much about, since they will end at some point, so might as well act like they're already over.
My reaction to ideas or even proof that goes against how I want reality to go is increasingly "that's stupid" rather than trying to work with it. It's not that I deny the results, its just that I think they're dumb and should be different. And I don't really see anything wrong with that. I mean, why should I care about the "proper" patterns of reality when those patterns aren't what I want them to be? Why should I care about them especially in cases where they are, allegedly, completely counter to what I want and make achieving my goals potentially impossible? What did rationality do for me? Nothing. It actually made things worse.
My mind at this point only sees one valid reality and increasingly does not care about whether I'm in it or not. I honestly can't see any reason to change this mindset, I don't see what rationality could possibly do to improve things for me.
I think it's my sheer hatred of reality that's really fostered this change. Something that I think was at odds with my desire to be correct rather than just believing what made me feel better. Reality is a hellscape as far as I'm concerned. I can't even believe that I ever cared about knowing what was "real" and what wasn't. Now I only care about what I want to be real. Which isn't the same as believing in it. I'm fully capable of recognizing that I can't fly or do any of the magic that I want right now. But I no longer look at that as a product of reality but rather a failing on my part. Or at least an indication that I just haven't figured things out yet.
Traditional rationalism, or at least what passes as it these days, holds that I should have given up on my quest for magic years ago because its simply impossible in the first place. But there's no way I could ever do that because I won't accept a reality without magic. I will, in effect, never believe that it's not possible. Which sometimes makes me wonder how I'm any different than a religious fundamentalist. Which then makes me wonder whether I should even care?
The schism with rationalism for me is that it's a fundamentally submissive way of thinking. You are only allowed to believe what's "real" regardless of your feelings about it. With phrases like "Our beliefs do not shape reality but reality should shape our beliefs." My issue with that is that its nothing but a form of "might makes right". Reality should be listened to because it's stronger than you are. It has the ability to force its arbitrary rules on you and you're too weak to resist.
I don't think I've ever really been an academically smart person. Some people would probably disagree with that, even today, but really I don't think the way my mind works would ever be conducive to academia. Through my transformation, which is necessary for my magic training, I've remembered that my mind is far more geared towards instant results rather than statistics.
Personally I don't think science has made the world any better. sure people live longer and all that but who cares since you're just dead anyways. It's not like "curing death" or uploading your mind into a robot or anything is ever going to change that either. Nor would reincarnation or anything similar. It just makes all finite amounts of time pointless. Or at least not things worth caring too much about, since they will end at some point, so might as well act like they're already over.
My reaction to ideas or even proof that goes against how I want reality to go is increasingly "that's stupid" rather than trying to work with it. It's not that I deny the results, its just that I think they're dumb and should be different. And I don't really see anything wrong with that. I mean, why should I care about the "proper" patterns of reality when those patterns aren't what I want them to be? Why should I care about them especially in cases where they are, allegedly, completely counter to what I want and make achieving my goals potentially impossible? What did rationality do for me? Nothing. It actually made things worse.
My mind at this point only sees one valid reality and increasingly does not care about whether I'm in it or not. I honestly can't see any reason to change this mindset, I don't see what rationality could possibly do to improve things for me.
"The cure for bad information is more information."