Healing past-life grief, pain and loss

What is love? What is grief? To take a powerful quote from the game God of War: Ragnarok:

"The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable, we open our hearts to it....To grieve deeply is to have loved fully."

When it came to the idea of feeling love... I kept noticing the idea of feeling sick, almost nauseous. In a moment of inspiration, the loong spirit sharply requested that I focus on the feeling... to calm and center... to feel, process, and let go, repeating it again and again, urging me to flow with that. I did so, and as the feeling grew, it began to bloom, and as I felt, processed and let go, the energy of the emotion began to flow out my chest, encouraged by the loong's focus on my energies and emotions.

As I let go more fully, there was this... feeling of sickening, blazing, blinding, searing anger, rage, pain, grief, boiling over. I began to hear a voice in my head ~ mine? ~ "they killed her", "I'll kill them, all of them", "I don't care if I die", "I hate them all". What I could perceive was of being in a forest, extremely dazed, lost in pure emotion, which such a fully tangled, horrible mess of thoughts. All I could think about was revenge, even at the cost of my life. What else was there to lose... my tiger, my companion, had been murdered. This was my past life... the end of it, anyways. There was these... men, and I had nothing left but the desire to pay it all back. Maybe I would have gone down quicker if I hadn't been a shaman and wasn't able to just keep pushing beyond my limits. Maybe it was adrenaline... maybe there was more. Who knows...

The energy flowed for a bit, heavy and burning, until the pure pain was fully cleansed. I was... back in this reality, though feeling like a husk. The loong spirit just as sharply requested that I go and meditate immediately. My tiger spirit gently consoled me, saying that she was here, wasn't she? Reincarnated. Yes, she died, though it was quick and painless. Not so for me... I'd known about this moment for a while, but had never been able to feel the pain of it, really process it. Now I know... grief and pain can be... breaking. So healing it requires... patience and care. Slow acclimation to being to deal with it.

Next came a montage of memories my tiger spirit pulled me into, showing me how we had become soul mates. I was shown in rather close detail, mostly from my tiger's perspective, the series of events that led to it, now that she had a much wider perspective on learning from me and my perspective in this lifetime. Ayahuasca was to blame, no less, haha, along with me being a shaman, she noted with interest. It took us both very deep into our minds, perhaps touching our souls very deeply with the profundity of the experience, the rather literal pure mental kaleidoscope of it, beyond our bodies.

Thanks for sharing your experience. There was something about the writing which was very direct even though such things are not easy to communicate. The topic of healing is an important one to me and I suspect maybe for others too, though it won't appear in the same way for everyone.

At certain times it seemed as though going through a healing process was the only thing which mattered. It surprised me with the passage of time that there are other aspects to life. To an extent it influenced choices I would make, to perhaps not accumulate through actions in the present, the need for future healing processes. But it also is clear to me at least that one must engage with life even in the knowledge that there will be future impacts.

Thanks for sharing your experience. There was something about the writing which was very direct even though such things are not easy to communicate. The topic of healing is an important one to me and I suspect maybe for others too, though it won't appear in the same way for everyone.

It's the clearest I've ever felt a past-life memory so far... perhaps because of all of the emotion involved. For a brief moment, I felt like I was literally back in that time and space, but it was quickly swallowed up by the blinding haze of emotion. It's hard to describe it when the recalled state is one of such shock.

At certain times it seemed as though going through a healing process was the only thing which mattered. It surprised me with the passage of time that there are other aspects to life. To an extent it influenced choices I would make, to perhaps not accumulate through actions in the present, the need for future healing processes. But it also is clear to me at least that one must engage with life even in the knowledge that there will be future impacts.

Indeed. I've now understood why I've had such a strong feeling of fear of loss, of separation anxiety with regards to my tiger spirit, in spite of the presence in this lifetime. Emotions... there's no logic or rationality to them. Trauma can be extremely difficult to let go of, even if the current reality suggests that there's no reason to hold onto it anymore. Past-life trauma, perhaps even moreso...