My Pesky Scotsman

You could try conditioning - positive and negative reinforcement. Reward yourself when you respond unemotionally. Reward yourself when you curtail yourself from escalating the emotionality.

Linda

Going back to the OP, Steve. Yeah, don't beat yourself up, I'd say. That stuff happens to me too, and I could feel myself bubbling with anger just reading your story. I feel like calling him an asshole myself. Prick.

Isn't there a certain amount to be said for getting it out of your system rather than bottling it up?

[Image: poisontree.jpg]

Subject for a new thread, perhaps? What kind of things trigger your temper? 

Like Stan, I'd love to be so very Zen about annoyances but a lifetime of human reactions, especially when you start with a volatile temper, is not easy to overcome. Inevitably, I also look back and chide myself for a poor reaction but then I remind myself that it has probably taken thousands of lifetimes for me to be where I am now, psychologically (and spiritually) speaking so I probably shouldn't expect to become an ascended master in this one. 

The task is made even more difficult by the culture in which we exist. Watch an evening's TV and you will inevitably find yourself in the middle of some variation of the revenge drama which goes all out to justify an aggressive - often very violent - reaction. Sometimes I feel like the world is like that portrayed in the brilliant Michael Douglas movie, Falling Down, where his day just goes from bad to worse with events conspiring to push him over the edge.

The task is made even more difficult by the culture in which we exist. Watch an evening's TV and you will inevitably find yourself in the middle of some variation of the revenge drama which goes all out to justify an aggressive - often very violent - reaction.

This is one reason why I often find most tv unwatchable. There are popular 'soap operas' which I don't follow, but it often seems that these portray the solution to life's difficulties as a series of confrontations. Sometimes those behind such programmes claim they are merely mirroring life. I'm not so sure.They certainly don't mirror my life. I'm always wondering whether such programmes actually construct our world. It is perhaps telling that such dramas are interspersed with the soap commercials which at least have the honesty to admit that their aim is to influence and manipulate our behaviour, rather than hiding behind excuses big and small for screening the conflict and aggression shown.

On the original topic raised by Stan, I'm in no position to pontificate. I can only comment on the things I currently find useful - it may not make sense for anyone else. One, treat myself gently, if I make mistakes, don't hold on to them. And the other, which works for me now, but may have been a useless idea at other times in my life, is that whenever I'm out in the real world and find myself delayed or obstructed by one or more other people, is to imagine that the other person is one of my own family; perhaps there are family members who can be annoying or irritating, yet I find room for an amused tolerance of such antics. I'm surprised how well this works for me, my frustrations and potential build-up of anger can often melt away in an instant and instead I find myself happy in such situations.

Another idea I sometimes use, rather than the 'family member' approach, is to think of us all as some spark of life, all wrapped up in a casing of ego and personality. In this view, my aim is to allow this inner spark to seek the spark contained in other people, which means giving much reduced importance to the surface appearances, if there is a bumpy or rocky encounter between personalities, I regard this as only the the surface wrapping, and try to relax to give such things the weight which is due, that is the packaging is not the thing to which to pay attention.


But I don't offer this as a solution, only a snapshot of a point in time where I find myself.

You could try conditioning - positive and negative reinforcement. Reward yourself when you respond unemotionally. Reward yourself when you curtail yourself from escalating the emotionality.

Linda

Can you really change that much? Do you think, for example, that someone like Eckhart Tolle was different before and after his ‘awakening’? 

What do you think of Eckhart? I’d be interested.

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On the original topic raised by Stan, I'm in no position to pontificate. I can only comment on the things I currently find useful - it may not make sense for anyone else. One, treat myself gently, if I make mistakes, don't hold on to them. And the other, which works for me now, but may have been a useless idea at other times in my life, is that whenever I'm out in the real world and find myself delayed or obstructed by one or more other people, is to imagine that the other person is one of my own family; perhaps there are family members who can be annoying or irritating, yet I find room for an amused tolerance of such antics. I'm surprised how well this works for me, my frustrations and potential build-up of anger can often melt away in an instant and instead I find myself happy in such situations.

Thanks Typoz, I like this idea and will try it out. 

There are certain people I know that this definitely wouldn’t be a good option to employ, as the thought of certain family members is more likely to induce something nasty!

Subject for a new thread, perhaps? What kind of things trigger your temper? 

Like Stan, I'd love to be so very Zen about annoyances but a lifetime of human reactions, especially when you start with a volatile temper, is not easy to overcome. Inevitably, I also look back and chide myself for a poor reaction but then I remind myself that it has probably taken thousands of lifetimes for me to be where I am now, psychologically (and spiritually) speaking so I probably shouldn't expect to become an ascended master in this one. 

The task is made even more difficult by the culture in which we exist. Watch an evening's TV and you will inevitably find yourself in the middle of some variation of the revenge drama which goes all out to justify an aggressive - often very violent - reaction. Sometimes I feel like the world is like that portrayed in the brilliant Michael Douglas movie, Falling Down, where his day just goes from bad to worse with events conspiring to push him over the edge.

Thanks for your post Kamarling.

While I might have an idea that ‘being Zen’ is the way forward I remind myself of the story about Jesus kicking stalls over, presumably in a non-Zen state. Assuming the story is based in fact. What to make of this?

I’ve just thought of something else.

I posted a thread about a visit I had from a friend of mine. Here it is:

https://psiencequest.net/forums/thread-a...pert+Spira

Now my friend displayed a Zen like quality as I tried to show in the last post in that thread, where Rupert Spira tells of a meeting he had with a business colleague. This was one of those occasions where I was excited to post a video, but get little response to it. Thanks Oleo

Anyway. Although my friend possesses this quality that I feel would be a benefit, he also possesses the ability to kill people, or rather has done in the past and I think still could do again if required. I don’t think I could. So I’m not sure that Zen like quality is enough.

I take comfort in the fact that throughout the whole episode with the ‘van man’, I never got aggressive towards him. My frustration was more towards his actions than him physically. I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve been able to test this out in practise, but I feel that I would be incapable of any offensive physical violence, maybe reactive would be different.

Can you really change that much? Do you think, for example, that someone like Eckhart Tolle was different before and after his ‘awakening’? 

What do you think of Eckhart? I’d be interested.

I don’t know. I’ve changed other things about myself. I’m not one to get worked up about things, in the first place. 

I’m not familiar with Eckhart Tolle. 

Linda

I don’t know. I’ve changed other things about myself. I’m not one to get worked up about things, in the first place. 

I’m not familiar with Eckhart Tolle. 

Linda

You’re lucky, it’s something I don’t like in myself. But then - acceptance.

I thought everyone on this forum would know Eckhart, I recommend you check him out if only for interests sake. You never know - you might even like some of what he has to say.