Bird and dragon ~ some parallel life insights

This from an older Ayahuasca experience before the one I currently posted, dated 2nd June, that I forgot to post about:

My other self, Gooseberry, was musing on some songs he'd been thinking about. I was quietly watching from the background of his mind, but gradually, he noticed something, and turned inwards, eventually noticing me. He greeted me, asking how I'd been. I stated that I'd been not great, but was getting better. That's good, he said. I asked how he'd been and whether he'd made any new songs. He had. He sung it, and I could hear it through his senses. He explained the meaning ~ of a bird spotting something beautiful, and flying down towards it, drawn to its beauty. But the bird, realizing the danger in being captivated by the beauty, swoops back up before they crash. A lesson about the dangers of being transfixed and entranced, letting apparently pretty things making you blind to danger.

I wonder how much time had passed on his end. He mused for a while, before giving the impression that it'd been a year or two in my sense of time. It's only been a few months on my end. My mind began to waver. He wondered, as he sensed my mind feeling worn and sort of stretched. I said I was tiring, and that I'd leave, thanking him for his time. He or I said that I hoped we'd meet each other soon. Don't recall, as my mind is currently tiring while I'm writing down these details before I forget them, heh. (I'm writing this bit last, actually.)

After a bit of recovery, I then had some more, now new insights into another parallel life where my other self was a human, and his companion, a dragon, or at least, the closest idea to one. It was a curious experience ~ it felt like it could just be imagination, but there were some elements that suggested otherwise.

The impression I got was that the dragon's name was Rose, or whatever translated to that. My other self's name, after some delving into trying to see memories from their life, was closest to what translated as Fredreich. Fredreich seemed to be a farmer, a simple person ~ not stupid, just not one for bookish or intellectual pursuits. One who liked the simpler things in life.

The dragon, as I was perceiving through Fredreich, seemed to notice me, and was initially a bit hostile, wondering distrustfully who I was. I realized that Fredreich didn't notice me, and that Rose was using a sort of telepathy that, somehow, Fredreich wasn't aware of. She seemed to sense me quite clearly. I got the impression that Rose was female, somehow. I got the impression that she was confused, because I wasn't Fredreich, yet I also seemed similar as well. She blocked me out, but my mind seemed to work around that, somehow. When Rose realized she couldn't block me out properly, she gave up.

I decided to just explain the situation. Rose seemed skeptical and distrustful, but was slowly warming up to the idea. I explained that Fredreich was a parallel life to mine, and another's from a reality, Gooseberry, a bird. I explained about my understanding about the nature of souls, and how I sensed that she was also a parallel life of both Gooseberry's mate, Willow, and my main spirit guide in this life, Zaar.

At some point, curious, I decided to deepen my access to Fredreich, allowing myself to... embody his memories... my memories? It's weird to explain, because it feels like me, but... not me. I sense that Fredreich was a farmer, that he was at some point chosen, selected, or something, by a group of what he thinks are knights from a guild, because knights from other guilds have passed through. I get the impression that they see signs in him, and take him back to what is actually an order of hunters. Well, of hunters who have dragon companions. I originally thought it was something like a dragon rider, as in fantasy, but the memories seem to disabuse me of that idea. No, they were just hunters. Didn't get more than that. The order had made a pact with some dragons for some reason. Some dragons developed telepathy, but it wasn't too common. Didn't get impression that they spoke, either. Well, I suppose they're Fredreich's memories, so I'm gleaning his understanding of things.

I got the impression of narrow-eyedness from Rose, but a curiosity as well, as she was quietly peering into my insights of Fredreich's life and memories. She could also see something of my and her other lives telepathically, somehow, and she asked how she could do that. I demonstrated how I use my spinal chakra energies, letting it rise, and become focused on the connection, allowing it to reach out. My soul seems to be the conduit, and is also the gatekeeper, decided when to allow the connection, and what time periods on each end of the connection should be. Bit hard to explain.

She was still a bit distrustful, but still drawn to allowing me to explain. I began to tire psychologically, and decided to detach from the connection. I suggest that she try learning what I showed her. My spirit guide in this life stated that she could feel her, having learned how to also connected to her other lives, but apparently not vice-versa. A bit curious.

Well, that's my ramble for the day, heh. Make of it what you will.

There is something my sets of experiences have implicitly shown me...

There is danger in too much knowledge, too fast, without proper grounding and stability... I am reminded of Lovecraft, in a vague sense...

I have started feeling overwhelmed at all of the knowledge and information that has accumulated... it feels like not only so much responsibility... but also leaves me questioning who I am, maybe for fear of losing myself in other lives. A fear of... losing my identity, perhaps. What it is to be me.

My guides tell me gently that this is natural, that it is part of the process, that it is okay to take the time to find grounding and stability, to take a break from it all, to just live in my life for as long as I need.

I have been left to wonder ~ where is my place in all of this? What role do I play? Who am I? What do I want? What have I been doing? What purpose do I have in life? What purpose do I want to have in life? What have I spent a decade doing? Something? Nothing? Trying to find myself? Or just laying the groundwork?

Now that my previous journey has lifted me out of the foggy vortex of dark thoughts, I seem able to see these things.

I... don't know what I want or need, but I feel driven to try and seek that purpose and meaning in the greater world.

Ah, an existential crisis, a question of identity... but maybe this is how it was supposed to be...

My guides tell me to become a shaman, to heed the call... however, I am unsure exactly of how to do that.

Maybe the desire to seek purpose in the greater world is something of a call to adventure...

To make... order out of the seeming chaos of my life, perhaps.

As if in response to my existential worries, I had a small vision of being drawn to an oak tree, which felt familiar... which chuckled at me, saying that of course I'd be back, and I was.

I was given a lesson... of becoming part of the earth. The grandfather oak seemed to be teaching me a lesson ~ to safely reach for the sky, the heavens, one must also be firmly rooted in the earth, to have the stability and structural support to do so.

And there was another parallel. I felt drawn to go for a walk, to ground myself, and today, it was rather windy, being August in the southern hemisphere, the month with really windy days... so, I realized that by resisting the wind, there is a metaphor there for not letting yourself be blown away, to hold yourself together, to stand tall and strong, resilient.

Tis the year for insight after insight, I suppose...