A transformative experience...

Just over two weeks ago whilst at work, I experienced one of my darkest days - due to the ongoing Covid19 lockdown within the UK - my mind felt in turmoil... anger, frustration, sadness etc. Towards the end of the day, I knew that when I went home home, I was going to take some time for myself.

When I got home, it felt important that I totally unplug, I switched off the router, pulled the plug out of the telephone socket, unplugged the computers, apple TV, Chromebox, switched off my phones. After powering down and unplugging everything, I stripped off, and went for a shower, dried-off, and put some clean comfortable clothes on. I then went into the kitchen to make dinner. I knew I was somehow clearing the decks, and I knew I was doing it for a reason, I could feel the deliberateness and certainty of what I was doing, and there was a calmness and purposefulness to my movements...

I was stood at a work surface in the kitchen about to start preparations for dinner... and then it happened... bam...

I was lifted up, out of the kitchen, yet still aware I was in it, and became enormous, totally totally huge with an enormous intellect... like a titan, and I looked down and I saw two strong feet astride white sands. On the sand around the feet, crawled many large black beetles, biting and scratching at each other. It felt like an image of the world, and it's problems, and I was simply lifted above them all. The first part of the phrase from my childhood STE hit my mind, not spoken, but aware of it nonetheless "Nothing that happens here matters". And it was like my chains had been broken and thrown off... indescribable... the others fought, bit and scratched at each other on the surface... but it did not matter... I slowly returned to the kitchen.

At which point I became aware of the most amazing writhing and tingling feeling racing up an down my spine, into my head, and on the top of my scalp... indescribable bliss... and it wouldn't stop, I moved around the kitchen but it was blasting out of me... I can't explain just how powerful it was. Instinctively I threw back my head, opened my mouth wide, and exhaled strongly, as if to release something... and the sensation began to subside. For a few minutes more I enjoyed running my finger-tips gently down my arms and palms, enjoying the sensations of my body, as if for the first time. None of this is anything I have ever done before.

Over the next few hours I remained in deep in thought, exploring what had happened to me... I felt transformed, without any anxiety or turmoil. Later that evening, quite spontaneously, a number of sayings in the Gospel of Thomas popped into my mind, and I made connections with them, and re-understood them in profound new ways... and I had occasional mild re-awakenings of that tingling feeling up my spine to my scalp as I made them.

Two weeks later things have calmed down... but I remain very transformed... able to participate and involve myself for both enjoyable and practical reasons ... but also somehow I feel above things, and able to see them as not very important...

I've never had anything happen to me like that before whilst in a wakeful state.

I looked it up on google... and it seems to have similarities to descriptions of Kundalini experiences, religious ecstasy experiences, spiritually transformative experiences, and also epiphanies...

For some reason it feels important that I share it, and would enjoy discussing it if anybody wants to... hence my reason for returning and posting  it.

Thanks, I'm grateful for your posting this. I will need to re-read and reflect on it.

Does it still feel like nothing matters?

Thanks so much for sharing that, Max. You should reach out to Manjit.

Hi Max. A few things occurred to me about your experience. In no particular order here: a response to a definite need at that moment (or during these times). A reminder of our nature as something greater and more powerful than we sometimes take ourselves for. The ability to be separate and literally rise above the activities and this world, perhaps at both a local e.g. work environment as well as wider e.g. international relations, levels.

When you described the physical feelings in the spine and rest of the body, I thought 'kundalini' too, but I don't have any expertise or knowledge, you are the expert in this case.

My guess is that there is something permanent about the effects of your experience. We tend to settle down after a while into a 'normal' routine but it may be a different version of 'normal'.


On a personal level, I would certainly remind myself of the need to sometimes do the things you described at the beginning, switch things off, unplug them, disconnect from all distractions, to give myself space to allow such possibilities. Without, I might add, hoping or expecting anything dramatic for myself, just a calming and releasing.

Does it still feel like nothing matters?

That wasn't the first part of the message I recalled from my childhood STE (and recalled here)?

No one has mentioned it, so I will. Your experience is very much like the experience that is related by nearly all the guests on Buddha at the Gas Pump. If you want to hear others who have had a similar experience you can listen there. He is on interview #590 this week. I haven't listened in a while, but I've listened to the first couple of hundred back when I was very interested in the idea of "enlightenment" and what that meant. So I'm not sure his last couple hundred episodes follow the same format. But the format used to be--the guest would start by talking about the, what I will call an "opening" experience. And then talk about the aftermath and other consequences.

Hi Max. A few things occurred to me about your experience. In no particular order here: a response to a definite need at that moment (or during these times). A reminder of our nature as something greater and more powerful than we sometimes take ourselves for. The ability to be separate and literally rise above the activities and this world, perhaps at both a local e.g. work environment as well as wider e.g. international relations, levels.

When you described the physical feelings in the spine and rest of the body, I thought 'kundalini' too, but I don't have any expertise or knowledge, you are the expert in this case.

My guess is that there is something permanent about the effects of your experience. We tend to settle down after a while into a 'normal' routine but it may be a different version of 'normal'.


On a personal level, I would certainly remind myself of the need to sometimes do the things you described at the beginning, switch things off, unplug them, disconnect from all distractions, to give myself space to allow such possibilities. Without, I might add, hoping or expecting anything dramatic for myself, just a calming and releasing.

Thanks, I agree with much of that. Also thanks for taking the time to think and write about it.

The immediate run up to this experience involved me entering 'flow', letting-go of control, allowing unconscious guidance. That was also something that happened in the run up to my 2007 experience.

And on your last point.... In the past, whenever I made a major breakthrough in talking therapy, I noticed that I had often cleared-the-decks on the run up to the breakthrough manifesting. After a while, I began to anticipate these personal changes were on the way, by noticing my clearing-of-the decks that preceded them. The 'unplugging' in this experience had similarities with that, i.e. the creation of some sort of conscious state ready for change. But... this was also different... it was almost ritual-like, including purification.

My first childhood STE experience occured whilst asleep, as a dream. My second experience in 2007 occured as I moved from sleep to wakefulness. This latest experience occurred in full wakefulness. Dunno if it's significant, but I found that interesting when it was pointed out to me by a friend.

For years I've been interested in a similarity I've noticed between tricks/techniques we've discovered, which I believe allow us to open-up to gain knowledge... (i.e. Prayer - the belief in something greater than ourselves. Ouija - the belief we're not moving the puck. Drugs - entheogens), and spontaneous cases (i.e. Fear death, Near death), and the everyday tricks we take for granted (Patterns - brands, writing etc).

Two things I've been particularly struck by…

Immediately following the experience, the suggestion that this type of knowledge can't just be given to you, it can only be gained by one's act of searching. You can't be told 'here it is', or 'there it is', it can only be gained within the act of personal search. The suggestion being that this is because this knowledge is not 'here'. Our 'here' is only a subset of a much larger set that resides beyond 'here'. Only access to a larger context can put 'here' into a new context that reduces it's significance. That could be a trick to allow one to rise above things we cannot change, or it might provide knowledge hidden from us, I favour the latter for lots of other reasons :-), but either way, as you mentioned, it's still transformative, and for me, transformative in a hugely beneficial way.

The second, which I find profound and unexpected, is the suggestion that this type of knowledge can't be found in ease and comfort, but can only be found near to the fire.

My experience currently suggests to me that this is another method of opening-up to gain knowledge. This was not in a direction I had previously considered, but in hindsight makes some sense to me.

No one has mentioned it, so I will. Your experience is very much like the experience that is related by nearly all the guests on Buddha at the Gas Pump. If you want to hear others who have had a similar experience you can listen there. He is on interview #590 this week. I haven't listened in a while, but I've listened to the first couple of hundred back when I was very interested in the idea of "enlightenment" and what that meant. So I'm not sure his last couple hundred episodes follow the same format. But the format used to be--the guest would start by talking about the, what I will call an "opening" experience. And then talk about the aftermath and other consequences.

Thank you Chuck, I will go and listen this weekend, I'm interested in comparing other peoples similar wakeful experiences, with mine.

Thank you Chuck, I will go and listen this weekend, I'm interested in comparing other peoples similar wakeful experiences, with mine.

Cool. There are so many interviews and so many personal styles. If someone turns you off, just move to the next interview. There is a lot of good in that podcast.