This is something I’ll be referencing in my Energy Explanation thread
2016, July or August. After developing the Fatalism Method I was trying to figure out the respective roles of emotion and logic in magic. I asked a spirit I’ve mentioned many time on the forum that I call Gold if she would be willing to help me out with a shared dream, The next night, this was the result.
I enter into a dream. I get a psychic and paper dossier. Together they state that the government of wherever I was is highly repressive, employing heavy information controls on the population. As a result school teachers were jobs that required very high security clearance, payed just as well, and were very hard to replace. Officially the teachers had such high requirements because the government only picked the best, most knowledgeable, most qualified people for the job. Because the role of teaching the next generation was the most important of all. In reality the governments criteria were for people who could keep secrets and do whatever they’re told, without question, for money. They routinely, purposefully, employed known violent offenders. It appeared that the population was well aware of the situation but unable/unwilling to do much about it given the police state nature of the society. The government didn’t want anyone who would go off-script and fill impressionable young minds with ideas that weren’t “Politically Correct.” A large part of the curriculum was naturally about obedience and submission to authority. I assume this is why people with no scruples about beating the shit out of random people were chosen.
Thus the dossier stated that I was part of a team of others who, among other things, were going to infiltrate an elementary school and assassinate several teachers simultaneously. The idea being that, since teachers are very hard to replace due to their high security clearance requirements, losing many at once would create a temporary knowledge vacuum. A period of time where people would be able to think their own thoughts for awhile and not have to fear physical and psychological abuse for it. It was presumed that existing anti government sentiments may begin to surface during this time among the affected groups. At which point the seeds of revolution would’ve taken root and presumably there would be other teams elsewhere to help them along. We were all given child bodies to allow us to blend in. I think they were supposed to be around 8-10 years old. We weren’t possessing pre-existing bodies as far as I know, we were just given new ones. If I remember correctly it was explicitly stated in the dossier that we had to use magic to take down our targets given its untraceability in that society. That combined with child bodies was intended to make any forensics difficult, given that people would likely not expect a child to be capable of murder. Let alone ten or twelve of them, all on the same day, during the same class block. Although if I remember correctly I didn’t feel like I had magic. Or at least not enough magic. It concerned me a bit but I assumed that when push came to shove I’d be able to force out more like I had other times. I guess it’s more like I was telling myself that I’d have enough magic because I [i]had[/i] to have enough magic, regardless of how I felt.
We all split up and went into our assigned classrooms. The paper dossier listed my target as a known pedophile, lucky me. I sat through the class and it was pretty clear that the guy was indeed creepy. He had made one boy take his shirt off for almost half the class for I can’t remember what reason. A punishment I think. Kids were obviously pretty freaked out by him. He on the other hand seemed pretty happy. I sat there soaking in information as best I could. We’ll say the front of the class with the whiteboard is north. From what I remember there were about 6-8 rows of maybe 6 or 7 desks. I was sitting in the row that was second in from the east wall where the door was. There was a large deskless gap in the north and east parts of the room presumably to make walking around those areas easier. There was at least one window on the west wall and the teachers desk was in the northwest corner of the room. It was an L shaped, light beige-tan desk with an LCD computer screen in the corner. Probably made out of MDF or similar. The other walls didn’t have much on them, I think the south wall had a cork board with a couple things pinned to it.
I already really didn’t like him. I didn’t have to say much in class but I think there were a couple things. At the very end of the class, maybe before absolutely every kid had left, he had said something to me while he was walking down the rows to the south wall and I told him something like “You will [i]not[/i] touch me” or, “If you try to touch me, I [i]will[/i] kill you” I don’t remember. Would’ve been really dumb if I said something like the latter considering the mission I’d been given but I wouldn’t be all that surprised if I was that stupid at the time. Even if it wasn’t what I said, it was certainly what I was thinking. Whatever I said, I knew it was in context with a bunch of previous things he was saying and doing in the class but I can’t remember them anymore. He got incredibly angry. I can’t remember what he said but he was so angry his voice was cracking and his face started turning red at one point. He wasn’t even yelling. Just super intensely angry. I thought it was an interesting reaction given how calm he was before. I suspect it’s because he’s used to getting his way with people and in such an entitled mindset the idea of someone standing up against him, especially a kid, must’ve seemed like the highest insult.
I stayed behind after the class was over. He had gone and sat at his desk. With no one around I figured this was as good a time as any. I still didn’t feel like I had magic but it didn’t matter. He asked me what I wanted, apparently calmed down from earlier. He seemed to be assuming I just had some homework questions or something.
I psyched myself up to take him out in one shot and tried using energy to leap off the ground to kick him. But my body felt like it was swimming through molasses. I barely got off the ground and the kick was more like a tap. I’m sure most people can relate to this phenomenon. I call it “Dream sluggishness”… god that’s a dumb name. It was only enough to alert him that I was trying to attack him. He was pretty pissed and got up out of his chair.
[i]Well… fuck…[/i] I thought to myself as I set up in a high back stance. I knew I was at an extreme disadvantage in all areas, I barely came up to his hip, I assumed if he was going to attack me it would be with a kick. Otherwise he might grab me. I knew that things could get really, really bad if I lost since he was a paedophile. I tried using all of that to psyche myself up more, tried getting myself more and more emotional to draw out more energy. But it wasn’t working, nowhere near what I needed. Then a couple seconds later Gold popped into existence to my left. The teacher was startled and confused. He seemed to be babbling questions about who she was and how she got there or something, I didn’t hear because Gold was ignoring him and talking to me,
“Look [Medi], you’re letting the dream affect you more than it really is.” Is all I can remember with any reliability, she also said something about how I needed to just understand that I had magic and then use it, but I can’t remember her exact words.
“Ummmm… I don’t think I can do that [Gold].” I replied back. she’d more or less just told me ‘Oh, you can’t fly? that’s because you believe in gravity. Just stop believing in gravity and then you can fly!’
She sighed in annoyance, “Ok, here...”
I felt a field of energy surround me, I tried floating and doing various things with magic. There was a slight delay but then the thing would happen, I could tell it was because she was doing it for me. But in a few moments my mind was starting to accept the pattern and she eased off the energy. I kicked him in the side of his knee and punched him twice in the torso, breaking one of his ribs, and then teleported behind his head and kicked him in the back of the neck with my shin charged with as much energy as I could pour into it, intending to break his neck. He flopped onto the floor and started whimpering. I felt kinda bad about it, The whole point was so it would be over quickly.
“See? Your magic is not a product of your emotions, it’s a product of your mentality.” Gold said, verbatim.
Then with it revealed that this was the simulation I asked her to do for me and that there's no real danger we went off and repeated this same thing four or so more times, none of which I remember in any detail anymore. By the end I was [i]starting[/i] to understand how to apply it, although I’ve never been able to fully transfer that training to the real world.
In hindsight I can’t believe that when I asked her for help with this that her solution was to put me in a childs body in a room with a paedophile with no magic and tell me to kill him. But that’s par for the course with Gold. She believes that experience is the only way anyone learns anything and that you should not pollute a students mind with your personal beliefs of how things work. If you want to teach someone how to block a punch, just keep punching them, they’ll eventually get tired of getting hit in the face and invent something to prevent it. That’s her style of teaching. A philosophy that what a person is [i]willing[/i] to do to win, how far they are [i]willing[/i] to push themselves, is far more important and fundamental than their technical ability. And she’s right. It’s funny because as I was writing this I thought back to the Mother’s Day Incident and how I only survived because of my attitude, not any fancy technique, in fact all my technique was atrocious. I also wonder if it really was just a simulation or if she sent me off to do something real and just tagged the training onto it for convenience. I’ve had more than a few dreams like this where I get some sort of dossier or mission in what is stated as an alternate reality and I do wonder if that’s literally what’s happening sometimes.
“Historically” she always trained me this way which caused a lot of friction between us at points, I’d just wake up in strange places with no memory of how I’d gotten there often in some sort of immediate danger and then I’d find my way out of it and she’d be waiting there all nonchalantly acting like everything was fine. Telling me I was overreacting when I’d get mad at her or just dismissing what I said outright. Because, of course, if your student [i]knows[/i] it’s training they won’t act naturally, And if they don’t act naturally it’s not experience. So of [i]course[/i] you gotta wipe their memory and stuff. That was the usual explanation. Sigh… I could go on but those are stories for another time. If I ever work up the courage to continue my incredibly crazy, fantasical past life story you’ll learn a lot more about Gold and her philosphy on life after the halfway point. Although I’ve contemplated doing a thread in the philosophy section all about it just because to see what other peoples opinions on it are.
Teal has experienced this too. After some training Gold and I did with her in this life via shared dream she came up with the best description of Gold ever,
“Tall, blonde, and scary.”
I’d say that’s pretty accurate. I hope she comes back to the forum soon. Ask me any questions you want, I don't think I wrote this one as clearly as I would like but I'm not sure how to fix it.
2016, July or August. After developing the Fatalism Method I was trying to figure out the respective roles of emotion and logic in magic. I asked a spirit I’ve mentioned many time on the forum that I call Gold if she would be willing to help me out with a shared dream, The next night, this was the result.
I enter into a dream. I get a psychic and paper dossier. Together they state that the government of wherever I was is highly repressive, employing heavy information controls on the population. As a result school teachers were jobs that required very high security clearance, payed just as well, and were very hard to replace. Officially the teachers had such high requirements because the government only picked the best, most knowledgeable, most qualified people for the job. Because the role of teaching the next generation was the most important of all. In reality the governments criteria were for people who could keep secrets and do whatever they’re told, without question, for money. They routinely, purposefully, employed known violent offenders. It appeared that the population was well aware of the situation but unable/unwilling to do much about it given the police state nature of the society. The government didn’t want anyone who would go off-script and fill impressionable young minds with ideas that weren’t “Politically Correct.” A large part of the curriculum was naturally about obedience and submission to authority. I assume this is why people with no scruples about beating the shit out of random people were chosen.
Thus the dossier stated that I was part of a team of others who, among other things, were going to infiltrate an elementary school and assassinate several teachers simultaneously. The idea being that, since teachers are very hard to replace due to their high security clearance requirements, losing many at once would create a temporary knowledge vacuum. A period of time where people would be able to think their own thoughts for awhile and not have to fear physical and psychological abuse for it. It was presumed that existing anti government sentiments may begin to surface during this time among the affected groups. At which point the seeds of revolution would’ve taken root and presumably there would be other teams elsewhere to help them along. We were all given child bodies to allow us to blend in. I think they were supposed to be around 8-10 years old. We weren’t possessing pre-existing bodies as far as I know, we were just given new ones. If I remember correctly it was explicitly stated in the dossier that we had to use magic to take down our targets given its untraceability in that society. That combined with child bodies was intended to make any forensics difficult, given that people would likely not expect a child to be capable of murder. Let alone ten or twelve of them, all on the same day, during the same class block. Although if I remember correctly I didn’t feel like I had magic. Or at least not enough magic. It concerned me a bit but I assumed that when push came to shove I’d be able to force out more like I had other times. I guess it’s more like I was telling myself that I’d have enough magic because I [i]had[/i] to have enough magic, regardless of how I felt.
We all split up and went into our assigned classrooms. The paper dossier listed my target as a known pedophile, lucky me. I sat through the class and it was pretty clear that the guy was indeed creepy. He had made one boy take his shirt off for almost half the class for I can’t remember what reason. A punishment I think. Kids were obviously pretty freaked out by him. He on the other hand seemed pretty happy. I sat there soaking in information as best I could. We’ll say the front of the class with the whiteboard is north. From what I remember there were about 6-8 rows of maybe 6 or 7 desks. I was sitting in the row that was second in from the east wall where the door was. There was a large deskless gap in the north and east parts of the room presumably to make walking around those areas easier. There was at least one window on the west wall and the teachers desk was in the northwest corner of the room. It was an L shaped, light beige-tan desk with an LCD computer screen in the corner. Probably made out of MDF or similar. The other walls didn’t have much on them, I think the south wall had a cork board with a couple things pinned to it.
I already really didn’t like him. I didn’t have to say much in class but I think there were a couple things. At the very end of the class, maybe before absolutely every kid had left, he had said something to me while he was walking down the rows to the south wall and I told him something like “You will [i]not[/i] touch me” or, “If you try to touch me, I [i]will[/i] kill you” I don’t remember. Would’ve been really dumb if I said something like the latter considering the mission I’d been given but I wouldn’t be all that surprised if I was that stupid at the time. Even if it wasn’t what I said, it was certainly what I was thinking. Whatever I said, I knew it was in context with a bunch of previous things he was saying and doing in the class but I can’t remember them anymore. He got incredibly angry. I can’t remember what he said but he was so angry his voice was cracking and his face started turning red at one point. He wasn’t even yelling. Just super intensely angry. I thought it was an interesting reaction given how calm he was before. I suspect it’s because he’s used to getting his way with people and in such an entitled mindset the idea of someone standing up against him, especially a kid, must’ve seemed like the highest insult.
I stayed behind after the class was over. He had gone and sat at his desk. With no one around I figured this was as good a time as any. I still didn’t feel like I had magic but it didn’t matter. He asked me what I wanted, apparently calmed down from earlier. He seemed to be assuming I just had some homework questions or something.
I psyched myself up to take him out in one shot and tried using energy to leap off the ground to kick him. But my body felt like it was swimming through molasses. I barely got off the ground and the kick was more like a tap. I’m sure most people can relate to this phenomenon. I call it “Dream sluggishness”… god that’s a dumb name. It was only enough to alert him that I was trying to attack him. He was pretty pissed and got up out of his chair.
[i]Well… fuck…[/i] I thought to myself as I set up in a high back stance. I knew I was at an extreme disadvantage in all areas, I barely came up to his hip, I assumed if he was going to attack me it would be with a kick. Otherwise he might grab me. I knew that things could get really, really bad if I lost since he was a paedophile. I tried using all of that to psyche myself up more, tried getting myself more and more emotional to draw out more energy. But it wasn’t working, nowhere near what I needed. Then a couple seconds later Gold popped into existence to my left. The teacher was startled and confused. He seemed to be babbling questions about who she was and how she got there or something, I didn’t hear because Gold was ignoring him and talking to me,
“Look [Medi], you’re letting the dream affect you more than it really is.” Is all I can remember with any reliability, she also said something about how I needed to just understand that I had magic and then use it, but I can’t remember her exact words.
“Ummmm… I don’t think I can do that [Gold].” I replied back. she’d more or less just told me ‘Oh, you can’t fly? that’s because you believe in gravity. Just stop believing in gravity and then you can fly!’
She sighed in annoyance, “Ok, here...”
I felt a field of energy surround me, I tried floating and doing various things with magic. There was a slight delay but then the thing would happen, I could tell it was because she was doing it for me. But in a few moments my mind was starting to accept the pattern and she eased off the energy. I kicked him in the side of his knee and punched him twice in the torso, breaking one of his ribs, and then teleported behind his head and kicked him in the back of the neck with my shin charged with as much energy as I could pour into it, intending to break his neck. He flopped onto the floor and started whimpering. I felt kinda bad about it, The whole point was so it would be over quickly.
“See? Your magic is not a product of your emotions, it’s a product of your mentality.” Gold said, verbatim.
Then with it revealed that this was the simulation I asked her to do for me and that there's no real danger we went off and repeated this same thing four or so more times, none of which I remember in any detail anymore. By the end I was [i]starting[/i] to understand how to apply it, although I’ve never been able to fully transfer that training to the real world.
In hindsight I can’t believe that when I asked her for help with this that her solution was to put me in a childs body in a room with a paedophile with no magic and tell me to kill him. But that’s par for the course with Gold. She believes that experience is the only way anyone learns anything and that you should not pollute a students mind with your personal beliefs of how things work. If you want to teach someone how to block a punch, just keep punching them, they’ll eventually get tired of getting hit in the face and invent something to prevent it. That’s her style of teaching. A philosophy that what a person is [i]willing[/i] to do to win, how far they are [i]willing[/i] to push themselves, is far more important and fundamental than their technical ability. And she’s right. It’s funny because as I was writing this I thought back to the Mother’s Day Incident and how I only survived because of my attitude, not any fancy technique, in fact all my technique was atrocious. I also wonder if it really was just a simulation or if she sent me off to do something real and just tagged the training onto it for convenience. I’ve had more than a few dreams like this where I get some sort of dossier or mission in what is stated as an alternate reality and I do wonder if that’s literally what’s happening sometimes.
“Historically” she always trained me this way which caused a lot of friction between us at points, I’d just wake up in strange places with no memory of how I’d gotten there often in some sort of immediate danger and then I’d find my way out of it and she’d be waiting there all nonchalantly acting like everything was fine. Telling me I was overreacting when I’d get mad at her or just dismissing what I said outright. Because, of course, if your student [i]knows[/i] it’s training they won’t act naturally, And if they don’t act naturally it’s not experience. So of [i]course[/i] you gotta wipe their memory and stuff. That was the usual explanation. Sigh… I could go on but those are stories for another time. If I ever work up the courage to continue my incredibly crazy, fantasical past life story you’ll learn a lot more about Gold and her philosphy on life after the halfway point. Although I’ve contemplated doing a thread in the philosophy section all about it just because to see what other peoples opinions on it are.
Teal has experienced this too. After some training Gold and I did with her in this life via shared dream she came up with the best description of Gold ever,
“Tall, blonde, and scary.”
I’d say that’s pretty accurate. I hope she comes back to the forum soon. Ask me any questions you want, I don't think I wrote this one as clearly as I would like but I'm not sure how to fix it.
"The cure for bad information is more information."
(This post was last modified: 2019-12-17, 07:13 PM by Mediochre.)
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