This is a companion piece that I’ll be referencing for my Energy Explanation thread. It is written to the best of my memory.
At about 3am, mothers day 2015. I was laying on the bed just thinking about stuff. Dreamsoap was in the other room on the computer probably playing a game of some type, I don’t remember. Our norm at the time was staying up till 2-4am. Naturally I was completely awake. Then, suddenly I was somewhere else. Some really industrial looking place. There was a small group of people hanging out on this steel catwalk platform thing that extended over a cloudy abyss. Across and above it was a large structure with it’s own steel catwalk thing. I recognized that they were spirits. They told me that a relative of mine was sick and close to death in a room in there. I flew up there and went inside to visit her. The lights were off in the room and I asked if anyone was there. Eventually she said something, I think found the lights and turned them on, or she did. The room was very red and brown and the door was copper coloured metal. She was up and walking around and seemed relatively okay, then went and laid down on the bed. I wanted to cheer her up or keep her company while she died or something so I went to go get those spirits I passed on the way there. They seemd a little bit weirded out at my request but joined me anyways. When we got back she was in bed and either was in a burlap sack or at least had something like that covering her head with eyes drawn on it. I remember thinking that this meant I was too late and she’d already died. And it smelled horrible. I have never smelled a rotting corpse in real life, but I would not be the least bit surprised if it smelled exactly the same as what that smelled like. But she started talking and the spot where her moth would be covered deformed like you’d expect so I realized I wasn’t too late. For whatever reason I did not think any of this was strange, in fact, to me, this was real waking life. The people who were with me very much did though. She sat up in bed and started talking and eventually got up. Many things started to change at this point, the sack thing faded away and she transformed into a youthful latina woman, something my relative wasn’t, she was english/irish. The people who were with me were getting increasingly distressed, very clearly thinking all of this was strange. I think they were trying to get my attention too but I didn’t notice or think there was a problem. The woman in front of me even did weird things like lick her lips in a very exaggerated way. But something was slowly starting to feel off. She walked off with me to another part of the area, I think the other spirits were protesting this, telling me not to. I was asking her questions that she wasn’t answering and I was starting to get a little more distressed. She started doing this thing with her finger where she was clacking the nail up and down against her top and bottom teeth. We kept walking and I kept trying to ask her the same question while getting increasingly anxious. Then her teeth began bending outwards and I snapped about her not answering me and grabbed her jaw with my left hand, pretty much sticking my hand in her mouth.
She bit into it, right in the middle of the palm and continued her mutation. Her/its skin seemed to rip apart showing exposed muscle as its bones reformed all over its body. Its face became very slightly more snout like but retained almost the entire human skull shape. The flesh on its cheeks peeled away, exposing the side teeth among other things. The pain made me snap back to reality and realize what was going on. I tried pulling my hand away but it was totally stuck. The creature bit down even harder and might’ve broken a bone in my thumb. it’s teeth were incredibly sharp and I could feel that it had more than enough strength to bite right through my hand. I assumed it didn't because it was trying to hold me in place. It finished transforming and growled. I knew that if I pulled hard enough my hand would rip free because of how sharp its teeth were but I would probably lose my hand in the process and I really didn’t want to. Then it grabbed the back of my head with its left hand to try to keep me from pulling away, it’s thumb and forefinger claws sitting just below and above my right eye respectively. As soon as I felt that I decided “fuck it” and instinctively twisted my head out from its grip while shoving it’s arm away with my right hand. Getting cuts above and below my eye as a result. Its front teeth ripped right through the tendons and webbing between my ring and middle finger and it’s side teeth and molars completely shredded all the flesh on that side of my hand. My left hand was completely ripped in half, the middle finger to thumb part of the palm was dangling free, separate from the rest. I slid back into a very, very shoddy left bo stance. I distinctly remember one of the female spirits shrieking “Jesus Christ half its face is missing!” as I did, it’s a sound that’s a little hard to forget. I really didn’t know what to do next. I saw that it’s feet and ankles were double jointed, kinda like a dogs back legs, and it had a long, slender bone tipped tail. I could feel with energy that its body was very dense, I estimated at least 3 times as dense as a human body. It was a lot taller than me, maybe 7 feet or more if it stood to full height. I knew I had to make a choice quickly because it would probably come at me again any moment. I thought to myself that I was down a hand, bleeding badly, I probably couldn’t outrun it, its too dense to punch and kick to death, it’s basically made out of teeth and claws and is probably way stronger than me. I reasoned my only chance, if I could call it that, was to go all in with magic. I didn’t really believe it was a chance, I still believed this was real life somehow and thus didn’t believe I even had magic. I felt like I was throwing everything away and had no reason not to try it. It’s hard to explain. I believed I was probably dead anyways and was just doing it to do it at that point, it wasn’t like I had anything to lose.
I poured as much energy into my hand as I could and tried forming a blade of energy on instinct. I swirled it around my hand and pushed down past the length of my fingers. Then just as the swirl tapered to a point, but before it could cross over, I folded it back over top of the first swirl and pulled it back up to my wrist, where I folded it underneath again.
It flickered a couple of times before stabilizing and flaring into existence with a sharp buzz. It was a blueish white energy. I slide stepped into a right leading horse stance while stabbing and ripping the blade into its torso, just under the ribcage on its left, and ripped all the way up to its right shoulder. Twisting my whole body into it. I immediately felt the projection weaken significantly and it yelled in pain. The blade wasn’t dense enough to pierce its body, but I could feel that it was practically giving it an energy embolism and probably doing a whole lot of soft tissue damage as a result even though I wasn’t cutting through the skin. Then I bounced off of that and slashed down at its neck, pulling my hand back to my hip, and then bounced off of that by thrusting it straight into its solar plexus as hard as I could. The energy of blade was scattering, unable to pierce its flesh but doing significant damage anyways. The creature fell to the ground and I could feel that I was already long free of its lockdown, but I wanted to make sure it was dead, so I forced myself to stay in it while I continued stabbing and slashing the creature on the ground until I eventually lost connection completely. I came to in bed with adrenaline still flowing and wondered what just happened before feeling the damage done to my left hand. It was numb, ice cold, and completely paralyzed. And there was what felt like a waterfall of dense energy pouring into it from all sides. It is probably the densest energy I’ve ever felt pouring into my body. I realized that what had just happened was real, and I’d just narrowly escaped death or worse. I could also feel that there was a poltergeist standing right next to my bed, right next to me, although it faded/left within a minute or so. Something I’ve noticed in hindsight with certain very real projections/obe's like that where I get injured, it’s not uncommon for there to also be lots of poltergeist activity of varying strengths around immediately around the times of those events, and sometimes long before.
Although the cuts above ad below my eye were healed in a couple days, my hand took a week to heal and regain full functionality and an entire month for the tingling to go away. Although the full paralyzation only lasted a few hours largely because I was pouring as much of my own energy into it as I could trying to heal it myself in addition to the the energy naturally flowing into it from the environment. It is almost certainly the deepest KE-B injury I’ve ever received, although not the most life threatening, that’s another story. Given the damage it did to my hand it was pretty clear it could’ve killed me if it hit a more vital area. All it had to do was twist its hips a bit and stab its right hand through my chest while it was still holding onto me and I would've been dead. I have little doubt it was physically strong enough to shove its claws right through my ribs. Which would likely paralyze my heart and lungs and that would be it for me. But it didn’t.
I’m not even mad at it, from my perspective it seemed like it was maybe just an animal that was trying to eat me, kinda like a cougar. And I respect it, it did everything right, it led me away from the group, it ambushed me, it held me in place. I think its quite likely that it put me in that daze too so I wouldn’t be able to recognize the obvious signs of danger. But in hindsight it seemed anxious and stressed, especially how it was clicking its nail on its teeth just before it bit me and transformed. Like this was its one chance. And then after that it seemed like it was freaking out trying to keep me from running and that’s why it made mistakes. All it had to do was twist and stab, that’s it. I survived because I was able to stay calm, and it wasn’t. And I’m very proud of that. To be honest, I hope it has better luck next time… as long as its target isn’t me.
To me one of the most important pieces of data I got from this was that the blade flickered before igniting. It didn’t just ignite in one shot. That tells me a number of important things. One, it tells me that I didn’t just imagine the blade into existence, it was still following external rules that I had no control over. Two, it tells me that, probably, the technique I used works the same in real life.
Magic technique almost universally tries to achieve one thing, and that’s a sort of balance. Energy, like gas, doesn’t seem to like bunching up under normal conditions. If you try to just shove it together it will shove apart. So, in order to get a lot of energy in one place you need to give it nowehere else to go but the area you’ve designated for it. But unlike a gas, you don’t have a handy container to put it in, all you’ve got is your mind. So you have to think about it like “how do I compress air without a bottle?”
This can be done a bajillion different ways, in this case, the blade relied on spin and flow to manipulate pressure changes. A membraneless, double-spin technique specifically. By using both a horizontal and vertical spin simulataneously, I try to make it so that there is no where else the energy can go other than somewhere else in the blade. Caught up in the circulating flow of energy as the spins together cover all 3 spatial dimensions. However, it wasn’t perfect, as evidemnce by the fact that my energy flickered around my hand a couple time first. It did this because the energy would momentarily balance but the pressure still had somewhere else it could go because the balance wasn’t perfect. So instead the energy was colliding momentarily, the pressure built up, the released as a flash of light and sound. When the balance is good enough though, the technique “ignites” and becomes visible because now it has inertia and is thus blocking light. Sometimes techniques can glow various colours and there can be many reasons for this. Sometimes it’s ionizing the air, sometimes there’s a little bleed off or overflow of energy that’s in the visible light spectrum, stuff like that. After that it’s just a bunch of math if you want to know the relative density and strength, X amount of joules contained in Y amount of space. I’m sure the equation is more complex than that, but that’s a start.
If you have ever tried making a psi ball and you’ve felt those little “pops” that can sometimes happen when you’re pushing the energy between your palms, this might be what that is. The energy colliding, pressurising for a moment, but then ricocheting because it had somewhere else to go. Or perhaps because the density was so low even tiny air movements were enough to pop the bubble, it depends.
This also tells me that its possible that I could perform that technique in real life. Given that I believed it was real life when I tried to perform it that time, and also because of al the poltergeisting success I’ve had, the technique should work the same. In fact, poltergeisting itself is just the same technique applied differently. I highly suspect this is what makes apparitions visible. I don’t use the “double spin” technique for poltergeisting but it doesn’t matter, it’s the same. Therefore, there is no physical reason I shouldn’t be able to perform it. I certainly have enough raw energy to do it, but mentally and emotionnally I think I just lack stability.
Which leads me to the next point. I was able to perform this despite believing it was the real world. All other physics stuff aside, that alone has been enough to stop a technique in the past. It was only when I became fatalistic and no longer cared about anything that I was able to let things flow. This has been a long standing pattern both in this life and my past. My best stuff only comes out when I no longer care about what I'm doing. This doesn't seem to be the same as "letting go" or "not having expectations" or things like that. Actually it's the opposite, expectations are the structure that make things work. It was far more about self doubt and my perception of what is and isn't real. From this pattern I decided to develop a mediation to try kicking myself into that state of mind that I call the Fatalism Method. The rest will be covered in the Energy Explanation Thread.
This is one of those experiences that I use to point out why relying on others to save you in projection is a bad idea. It’s just like if you assumed in the real world that if you get into trouble that cop is just going magically materialise in front of you to save you. I didn’t even need to project for this to happen, the creature just pulled me into it all on its own while I was wide awake. If I’d freaked out and spent my time trying to call an angel or whatever to save me, I’d be dead.
I hope I wrote this up well enough, I try to write these things up more like transcripts rather than stories. I feel like putting any creative flare in them somehow cheapens them. I'm trying to write them to be informative, not cool, even though I take a lot of pride in these things. Ask any questions you want.
At about 3am, mothers day 2015. I was laying on the bed just thinking about stuff. Dreamsoap was in the other room on the computer probably playing a game of some type, I don’t remember. Our norm at the time was staying up till 2-4am. Naturally I was completely awake. Then, suddenly I was somewhere else. Some really industrial looking place. There was a small group of people hanging out on this steel catwalk platform thing that extended over a cloudy abyss. Across and above it was a large structure with it’s own steel catwalk thing. I recognized that they were spirits. They told me that a relative of mine was sick and close to death in a room in there. I flew up there and went inside to visit her. The lights were off in the room and I asked if anyone was there. Eventually she said something, I think found the lights and turned them on, or she did. The room was very red and brown and the door was copper coloured metal. She was up and walking around and seemed relatively okay, then went and laid down on the bed. I wanted to cheer her up or keep her company while she died or something so I went to go get those spirits I passed on the way there. They seemd a little bit weirded out at my request but joined me anyways. When we got back she was in bed and either was in a burlap sack or at least had something like that covering her head with eyes drawn on it. I remember thinking that this meant I was too late and she’d already died. And it smelled horrible. I have never smelled a rotting corpse in real life, but I would not be the least bit surprised if it smelled exactly the same as what that smelled like. But she started talking and the spot where her moth would be covered deformed like you’d expect so I realized I wasn’t too late. For whatever reason I did not think any of this was strange, in fact, to me, this was real waking life. The people who were with me very much did though. She sat up in bed and started talking and eventually got up. Many things started to change at this point, the sack thing faded away and she transformed into a youthful latina woman, something my relative wasn’t, she was english/irish. The people who were with me were getting increasingly distressed, very clearly thinking all of this was strange. I think they were trying to get my attention too but I didn’t notice or think there was a problem. The woman in front of me even did weird things like lick her lips in a very exaggerated way. But something was slowly starting to feel off. She walked off with me to another part of the area, I think the other spirits were protesting this, telling me not to. I was asking her questions that she wasn’t answering and I was starting to get a little more distressed. She started doing this thing with her finger where she was clacking the nail up and down against her top and bottom teeth. We kept walking and I kept trying to ask her the same question while getting increasingly anxious. Then her teeth began bending outwards and I snapped about her not answering me and grabbed her jaw with my left hand, pretty much sticking my hand in her mouth.
She bit into it, right in the middle of the palm and continued her mutation. Her/its skin seemed to rip apart showing exposed muscle as its bones reformed all over its body. Its face became very slightly more snout like but retained almost the entire human skull shape. The flesh on its cheeks peeled away, exposing the side teeth among other things. The pain made me snap back to reality and realize what was going on. I tried pulling my hand away but it was totally stuck. The creature bit down even harder and might’ve broken a bone in my thumb. it’s teeth were incredibly sharp and I could feel that it had more than enough strength to bite right through my hand. I assumed it didn't because it was trying to hold me in place. It finished transforming and growled. I knew that if I pulled hard enough my hand would rip free because of how sharp its teeth were but I would probably lose my hand in the process and I really didn’t want to. Then it grabbed the back of my head with its left hand to try to keep me from pulling away, it’s thumb and forefinger claws sitting just below and above my right eye respectively. As soon as I felt that I decided “fuck it” and instinctively twisted my head out from its grip while shoving it’s arm away with my right hand. Getting cuts above and below my eye as a result. Its front teeth ripped right through the tendons and webbing between my ring and middle finger and it’s side teeth and molars completely shredded all the flesh on that side of my hand. My left hand was completely ripped in half, the middle finger to thumb part of the palm was dangling free, separate from the rest. I slid back into a very, very shoddy left bo stance. I distinctly remember one of the female spirits shrieking “Jesus Christ half its face is missing!” as I did, it’s a sound that’s a little hard to forget. I really didn’t know what to do next. I saw that it’s feet and ankles were double jointed, kinda like a dogs back legs, and it had a long, slender bone tipped tail. I could feel with energy that its body was very dense, I estimated at least 3 times as dense as a human body. It was a lot taller than me, maybe 7 feet or more if it stood to full height. I knew I had to make a choice quickly because it would probably come at me again any moment. I thought to myself that I was down a hand, bleeding badly, I probably couldn’t outrun it, its too dense to punch and kick to death, it’s basically made out of teeth and claws and is probably way stronger than me. I reasoned my only chance, if I could call it that, was to go all in with magic. I didn’t really believe it was a chance, I still believed this was real life somehow and thus didn’t believe I even had magic. I felt like I was throwing everything away and had no reason not to try it. It’s hard to explain. I believed I was probably dead anyways and was just doing it to do it at that point, it wasn’t like I had anything to lose.
I poured as much energy into my hand as I could and tried forming a blade of energy on instinct. I swirled it around my hand and pushed down past the length of my fingers. Then just as the swirl tapered to a point, but before it could cross over, I folded it back over top of the first swirl and pulled it back up to my wrist, where I folded it underneath again.
It flickered a couple of times before stabilizing and flaring into existence with a sharp buzz. It was a blueish white energy. I slide stepped into a right leading horse stance while stabbing and ripping the blade into its torso, just under the ribcage on its left, and ripped all the way up to its right shoulder. Twisting my whole body into it. I immediately felt the projection weaken significantly and it yelled in pain. The blade wasn’t dense enough to pierce its body, but I could feel that it was practically giving it an energy embolism and probably doing a whole lot of soft tissue damage as a result even though I wasn’t cutting through the skin. Then I bounced off of that and slashed down at its neck, pulling my hand back to my hip, and then bounced off of that by thrusting it straight into its solar plexus as hard as I could. The energy of blade was scattering, unable to pierce its flesh but doing significant damage anyways. The creature fell to the ground and I could feel that I was already long free of its lockdown, but I wanted to make sure it was dead, so I forced myself to stay in it while I continued stabbing and slashing the creature on the ground until I eventually lost connection completely. I came to in bed with adrenaline still flowing and wondered what just happened before feeling the damage done to my left hand. It was numb, ice cold, and completely paralyzed. And there was what felt like a waterfall of dense energy pouring into it from all sides. It is probably the densest energy I’ve ever felt pouring into my body. I realized that what had just happened was real, and I’d just narrowly escaped death or worse. I could also feel that there was a poltergeist standing right next to my bed, right next to me, although it faded/left within a minute or so. Something I’ve noticed in hindsight with certain very real projections/obe's like that where I get injured, it’s not uncommon for there to also be lots of poltergeist activity of varying strengths around immediately around the times of those events, and sometimes long before.
Although the cuts above ad below my eye were healed in a couple days, my hand took a week to heal and regain full functionality and an entire month for the tingling to go away. Although the full paralyzation only lasted a few hours largely because I was pouring as much of my own energy into it as I could trying to heal it myself in addition to the the energy naturally flowing into it from the environment. It is almost certainly the deepest KE-B injury I’ve ever received, although not the most life threatening, that’s another story. Given the damage it did to my hand it was pretty clear it could’ve killed me if it hit a more vital area. All it had to do was twist its hips a bit and stab its right hand through my chest while it was still holding onto me and I would've been dead. I have little doubt it was physically strong enough to shove its claws right through my ribs. Which would likely paralyze my heart and lungs and that would be it for me. But it didn’t.
I’m not even mad at it, from my perspective it seemed like it was maybe just an animal that was trying to eat me, kinda like a cougar. And I respect it, it did everything right, it led me away from the group, it ambushed me, it held me in place. I think its quite likely that it put me in that daze too so I wouldn’t be able to recognize the obvious signs of danger. But in hindsight it seemed anxious and stressed, especially how it was clicking its nail on its teeth just before it bit me and transformed. Like this was its one chance. And then after that it seemed like it was freaking out trying to keep me from running and that’s why it made mistakes. All it had to do was twist and stab, that’s it. I survived because I was able to stay calm, and it wasn’t. And I’m very proud of that. To be honest, I hope it has better luck next time… as long as its target isn’t me.
To me one of the most important pieces of data I got from this was that the blade flickered before igniting. It didn’t just ignite in one shot. That tells me a number of important things. One, it tells me that I didn’t just imagine the blade into existence, it was still following external rules that I had no control over. Two, it tells me that, probably, the technique I used works the same in real life.
Magic technique almost universally tries to achieve one thing, and that’s a sort of balance. Energy, like gas, doesn’t seem to like bunching up under normal conditions. If you try to just shove it together it will shove apart. So, in order to get a lot of energy in one place you need to give it nowehere else to go but the area you’ve designated for it. But unlike a gas, you don’t have a handy container to put it in, all you’ve got is your mind. So you have to think about it like “how do I compress air without a bottle?”
This can be done a bajillion different ways, in this case, the blade relied on spin and flow to manipulate pressure changes. A membraneless, double-spin technique specifically. By using both a horizontal and vertical spin simulataneously, I try to make it so that there is no where else the energy can go other than somewhere else in the blade. Caught up in the circulating flow of energy as the spins together cover all 3 spatial dimensions. However, it wasn’t perfect, as evidemnce by the fact that my energy flickered around my hand a couple time first. It did this because the energy would momentarily balance but the pressure still had somewhere else it could go because the balance wasn’t perfect. So instead the energy was colliding momentarily, the pressure built up, the released as a flash of light and sound. When the balance is good enough though, the technique “ignites” and becomes visible because now it has inertia and is thus blocking light. Sometimes techniques can glow various colours and there can be many reasons for this. Sometimes it’s ionizing the air, sometimes there’s a little bleed off or overflow of energy that’s in the visible light spectrum, stuff like that. After that it’s just a bunch of math if you want to know the relative density and strength, X amount of joules contained in Y amount of space. I’m sure the equation is more complex than that, but that’s a start.
If you have ever tried making a psi ball and you’ve felt those little “pops” that can sometimes happen when you’re pushing the energy between your palms, this might be what that is. The energy colliding, pressurising for a moment, but then ricocheting because it had somewhere else to go. Or perhaps because the density was so low even tiny air movements were enough to pop the bubble, it depends.
This also tells me that its possible that I could perform that technique in real life. Given that I believed it was real life when I tried to perform it that time, and also because of al the poltergeisting success I’ve had, the technique should work the same. In fact, poltergeisting itself is just the same technique applied differently. I highly suspect this is what makes apparitions visible. I don’t use the “double spin” technique for poltergeisting but it doesn’t matter, it’s the same. Therefore, there is no physical reason I shouldn’t be able to perform it. I certainly have enough raw energy to do it, but mentally and emotionnally I think I just lack stability.
Which leads me to the next point. I was able to perform this despite believing it was the real world. All other physics stuff aside, that alone has been enough to stop a technique in the past. It was only when I became fatalistic and no longer cared about anything that I was able to let things flow. This has been a long standing pattern both in this life and my past. My best stuff only comes out when I no longer care about what I'm doing. This doesn't seem to be the same as "letting go" or "not having expectations" or things like that. Actually it's the opposite, expectations are the structure that make things work. It was far more about self doubt and my perception of what is and isn't real. From this pattern I decided to develop a mediation to try kicking myself into that state of mind that I call the Fatalism Method. The rest will be covered in the Energy Explanation Thread.
This is one of those experiences that I use to point out why relying on others to save you in projection is a bad idea. It’s just like if you assumed in the real world that if you get into trouble that cop is just going magically materialise in front of you to save you. I didn’t even need to project for this to happen, the creature just pulled me into it all on its own while I was wide awake. If I’d freaked out and spent my time trying to call an angel or whatever to save me, I’d be dead.
I hope I wrote this up well enough, I try to write these things up more like transcripts rather than stories. I feel like putting any creative flare in them somehow cheapens them. I'm trying to write them to be informative, not cool, even though I take a lot of pride in these things. Ask any questions you want.
"The cure for bad information is more information."